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I long for the days when my arms were filled with children. I miss the little hands that would clasp my face, showering me with kisses the moment I walked through the door. I can still recall the sweet scent of your heads as I carried you to bed each night. The gentle stir of waking up at 6 a.m. to find you quietly sliding under the covers beside me, eyes still heavy with sleep, whispering, “Just a few more minutes, mommy,” whenever I reminded you that it was time to get ready for school and work.
I can’t remember the last time any of you exclaimed, “Pick me up!” with outstretched arms, your little fingers tangling in my hair as you encircled my neck with your soft five-year-old arms. Oh, if only I had known. Known that it was the last time I would hear your laughter echo down the hallway, as you jumped in your crib, calling out, “Mama, I’m AWAKE!” Known that it was the final moment I would read you a story, you pleading, “Just one more page, Mommy.” Known that it would be the very last time I’d kneel in the middle of a city block to tie your shoelaces or rise from a park bench to “push me HIGHER!” on the swings.
I didn’t realize that would be the last time I would hear ‘Mommy’ or ‘Mama,’ and from then on, I’d simply be ‘Mom’ or ‘she’ during your teenage moods. It all happens so quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid, leaving us to navigate life while these fleeting moments transform into memories, and suddenly you’re grown.
Yet, I still see you as little ones. I can still feel your tiny hearts beating against my chest while you sleep, blissfully lost in dreams. I can picture your small palms and delicate fingers intertwined with mine as we embark on our next adventure across the street. I will always be your mom, and you will forever be my babies, no matter how old you become.
I don’t know if I would have done anything differently; I just wish I had known.
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Summary:
This heartfelt reflection captures the bittersweet transition from parenting young children to navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. The author reminisces about cherished moments with her little ones while expressing a desire to have appreciated them more fully. As her children grow, she grapples with the fleeting nature of childhood and the inevitable shift in their relationship.
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