The 10 Most Absurd Statements I’ve Made to My Toddlers

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Parenting can lead to some truly bewildering moments. As a mother, I’ve found myself uttering phrases that, in retrospect, seem utterly nonsensical. In the midst of managing tiny humans, I’ve realized that my dialogue sometimes takes an unexpected turn. Here are ten examples of the most ridiculous things I’ve said to my toddlers recently:

  1. “If you don’t put your shoes on, I’m leaving without you.” Honestly, where could I possibly go without them? My only options would be the backyard or the garage.
  2. “Do you want me to spank you?” Seriously, what child is ever going to respond positively to this query?
  3. “If you don’t tidy up that mess, you’re going straight to bed.” And here’s the kicker: it’s only two in the afternoon.
  4. “If you don’t stop, I’ll turn this car around and we’ll head home.” This threat only comes into play on the days we actually have to go somewhere important, like the doctor’s office or preschool.
  5. “You have 30 seconds to pick up those toys or I’m throwing them all away.” Let’s be honest, the idea of disposing of all their toys sounds like an exhausting task I have no interest in undertaking.
  6. “If you don’t eat, I won’t give you any more dinner.” This statement lacks logic, doesn’t it?
  7. “I’m going to count to three, and you better stop, or else.” Even I’m not quite sure what “or else” means.
  8. “Are you trying to upset me?” It’s amusing to think my toddlers deliberately aim to frustrate me. They simply ignore me until I reach my limit.
  9. “If you don’t start listening, I’ll stop talking.” A rather ironic statement directed at children who aren’t listening, wouldn’t you say?
  10. “If you keep playing with your food, I’m taking it away.” If they aren’t eating, it’s likely they’re just not hungry—obvious, right?

As I navigate this parenting journey, I realize I need to adapt my approach for when they grow older and become more aware of their power in our interactions. Until then, they’ve got 30 seconds, or else…

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In summary, as a parent, I find myself saying some of the most illogical things imaginable, all while trying to navigate the challenges of raising toddlers. Embracing these moments with humor can make the roller coaster of parenting a bit more manageable.


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