Have you ever found yourself pondering how often your married friends are intimate? You’re certainly not alone in this curiosity. Many people question whether their sexual activity aligns with that of their peers, often wondering if they are “normal.” And while the thought of hosting a swinger party might cross some minds (no judgment here if that’s your thing), more often than not, it’s simply a matter of understanding whether others are just as exhausted by life’s demands as you are. If your neighbors, Mark and Lisa, seem to be full of energy, you might wonder where they find the time. Perhaps a little libido booster is in order — this parent is feeling drained.
Sexual intimacy plays a crucial role in any marriage or partnership. As frequency decreases, so do questions about the health of the relationship. Recent data reveals that Americans are engaging in sexual activity less frequently than previous generations. A study published in The Archives of Sexual Behavior analyzed the sexual habits of Americans from 1989 to 2014, showing a notable decline in sexual activity, especially among married couples.
In 1990, married partners reported having sex approximately 73 times a year, whereas by 2014, that number had fallen to 55 times annually. While some may view this decline as concerning, it’s worth noting that many couples are still managing to be intimate about once a week — not too shabby considering the chaotic nature of modern life.
The rise of dual-income households has changed the landscape since the 1980s and 1990s. Both men and women are working harder than ever while juggling the busy lives of their children. So, if you find yourself opting for a Netflix binge instead of romantic encounters, know that you’re not alone. Cozy moments spent together, like sharing snacks on the couch while watching a tear-jerker, can sometimes lay the groundwork for more intimate moments later in the week.
It’s perfectly normal to not feel inclined to be intimate on a regular basis; after all, we’re not machines. However, keeping your options open can be beneficial if your partner’s interest in sex doesn’t align with yours.
While some may lament the findings of these studies, they may actually reflect a new norm. Many Americans attribute their reduced sexual frequency to sheer exhaustion. We’ve all had nights where reconnecting with our partner feels like an uphill battle, choosing to forgo intimacy due to overwhelming fatigue. Life with children can be a whirlwind, leaving couples promising to make time for each other later — whether that’s later in the week or even later in the month.
On the flip side, a decrease in sexual activity might serve as a valid reason to start saying “no” to more commitments, allowing couples to reserve some energy for intimacy. Don’t hesitate to decline that extra baking request from your friend or to pass on hosting a big birthday bash. What truly matters is that you and your partner feel satisfied with the level of intimacy in your relationship.
Some may feel pressured to engage in sex when they’re not in the mood, but perhaps it’s time to unplug, recharge, and prioritize intimacy. After all, saying “no” to external obligations and “yes” to each other can be incredibly rewarding. “Sorry, Emily, I can’t host that lipstick party because I need to focus on my connection with my husband tonight!” I think I’ll give that approach a go. Soon. Just not tonight — I’m too worn out!
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In summary, while the frequency of sexual activity may have declined among married couples, it’s essential to understand that this trend is often a reflection of the demanding lifestyles many lead today. Acknowledging this can help couples navigate their intimacy in a way that suits them best.
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