When my older son was about two and a half, an incident occurred that tested my friendships. As a frazzled mother of two, I felt like I was constantly trying to keep my head above water. Six months in, and I still hadn’t mastered the art of juggling two kids and all their necessities. My saving grace was my mom friends, the ones I relied on the most during this challenging time.
Then came the fateful playdate that put everything into question.
After a few hours of fun, it was time for lunch. Since it was raining, I decided to bundle up my sleeping baby and quickly usher him to the car. I asked my close friend, Mia, who was hosting, if she could keep an eye on my older son, and she agreed. I was gone for only about three minutes, but when I returned, chaos erupted.
“Mason bit L,” Mia said coolly, referencing another boy of the same age. “Hard.”
As first-time moms, we both knew that biting was one of the most significant taboos in toddler behavior.
I rushed to where the kids were crying, made Mason apologize—a futile gesture since two-year-olds lack the understanding of remorse—and I offered my own apologies. L’s mom, a calm soul, assured me it was okay, even as her son sobbed. But Mia did not share that sentiment.
As she walked me to the door, I tried to say goodbye, my eyes filled with tears. “If Mason is going to bite like this, maybe he shouldn’t be around other kids,” she stated firmly. “You might want to keep him home for a while.”
I stammered a response, but ultimately fled to the car, my heart heavy. Was my son a social outcast at just two years old? Mia’s words felt like a universal truth from all the other moms present. I felt completely isolated, and it seemed like I was being shunned from the supportive community I had relied on. Only L’s mom had reassured me that it was alright; no one else offered solace or perspective on the fact that biting is often part of toddler behavior.
Up until that point, Mason had never bitten anyone. Mia’s son was his close friend, and her words made it seem like he was a danger to other children.
That evening, we left for a much-needed vacation in the mountains. I cried throughout the entire trip, feeling embarrassed and guilty. My husband was frustrated that our getaway was marred by my emotional turmoil. Mason sensed my sadness and patted my cheek, saying, “It be okay.” That made my heart ache even more; I feared he would have no friends.
Slowly, the storm passed. Perhaps Mia reached out eventually, or maybe my husband spoke to her. Whatever happened, life returned to normal, just as it should have. Children bite; it’s a frustrating fact of toddler life. While seasoned moms understand this, first-time moms can be horrified. I know if a child had bitten my firstborn, I would have reacted strongly. With my third, I would have likely comforted him and reassured the other parent that everything was fine.
What hurt the most was that my best friend, the person I thought would always support me, had let me down. She was dealing with her own challenges at the time and needed support she wasn’t openly seeking. It’s a reminder that friendships can falter, but they can also mend.
Now, Mason is eight years old, long past the biting phase, and Mia remains one of my closest friends, even after relocating. Reflecting on that moment, I realize we both made mistakes: hers for saying what she did and mine for taking it to heart. It still stings occasionally, especially on tough days when my three ADHD sons act out. I can almost hear the judgmental whispers from other moms, and it haunts me. But the truth is, decent kids sometimes misbehave, and it’s not a reflection of our parenting. I wish I had understood this then.
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In summary, my experience reminds us that parenting can be challenging, and sometimes friends make mistakes. It’s essential to forgive and move on, as true friendships can withstand even the toughest moments.
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