I was well aware of the arguments against compelling children to do their homework, along with studies indicating that homework is often ineffective, particularly in elementary education. I had read the critiques aimed at parents who take over their kids’ assignments, but I never fell into that category. (Honestly, how could a parent manage that? I still struggle with first-grade math!)
However, I did find myself hovering. I would nag and plead. For the first few years of elementary school, the hours between 3 and 6 p.m. became a constant battle where I desperately urged my son to just sit down and tackle his homework. Dinner and dessert were postponed until he finished, as was TV time. Although we always allowed him some time after school to unwind, there came a point when I insisted he settle down and get to work.
Eventually, he would complete his homework, typically in about 15 minutes. However, the hours I spent coaxing and nagging were disproportionate to the actual time it took him to finish. And, to be honest, I didn’t even believe in the value of homework!
So, as this school year began—his fourth grade—I decided to adopt a new strategy. I would still check in to see if he had any assignments or offer help if he had questions, but I made the choice to let him take responsibility for getting it done.
Much to my surprise, the results have been remarkable. Initially, it was a bit chaotic. He’d remember his homework just as he was drifting off to sleep, prompting him to leap out of bed and complete it, which completely disrupted bedtime. Or he’d wake up in the morning realizing he hadn’t done it and blame me for not reminding him. “That’s not my job, kiddo,” I would remind him, pointing out how much he disliked my constant nagging.
Now, a few months into the school year, something wonderful has occurred. He does his homework on his own, without my prompting—most of the time. Sure, I still give him the occasional nudge, and he occasionally forgets. But generally, he manages to get it done.
Additionally, I’ve noticed a significant boost in his motivation toward schoolwork. He has taken an active interest in doing well on his assignments and projects. Just last weekend, he insisted we dedicate four hours to preparing for the school-wide spelling bee!
While my son naturally possesses a competitive edge and generally enjoys school, I can’t guarantee this method will work for every child. However, it’s clear that allowing him to take ownership of his homework is essential for developing self-discipline in his academic journey. After all, we won’t be there to guide them every step of the way, in school or in life.
This experience has taught me an important lesson: hovering can be suffocating for our kids and ultimately unproductive for everyone involved. I understand the urge to intervene, especially when it comes to academics, because we want our children to succeed (and, let’s be honest, their success reflects on us, too).
Yet, the best way for our kids to grow into independent individuals is to step back. Allow them to make mistakes and face failures; that’s how they learn that intrinsic motivation is far more valuable than merely pleasing others.
So, it’s time to stop being the homework police. Let go of the nagging and hovering. It may feel daunting at first—and trust me, your child will stumble—but in the long run, relinquishing that responsibility will save everyone a great deal of stress and help your child thrive.
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In summary, stepping back from homework responsibilities can foster a sense of independence and motivation in children. It’s essential to allow them to take charge of their learning journey, ultimately equipping them with valuable life skills.
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