By: Emma Thompson
Updated: Oct. 3, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 1, 2023
In light of the ongoing discussions surrounding sexual assault and the treatment of women in society, it’s crucial for us as parents to reflect on the messages we convey to our boys. As a mother of three sons and a dedicated advocate for women’s empowerment, I believe it’s essential that we raise our boys to foster a culture of respect and empathy. With incidents of sexual violence on the rise, we must reconsider our approach and be aware of the detrimental messages we might unknowingly send. Here are five harmful statements that can shape our boys’ perspectives on sexual violence and consent.
1. “She’s lying.”
Boys interpret this as: Women frequently fabricate claims of sexual assault; men are never at fault. This statement perpetuates a harmful belief that undermines the experiences of victims. Experts advocate for believing victims, as false allegations constitute a mere 2-8% of cases. When we dismiss claims outright, we teach our boys to disregard women’s voices and prioritize male narratives. It’s vital for them to learn to approach such serious allegations with empathy and an open mind.
2. “If it were true, she would have reported it right away.”
Boys understand this as: Authentic sexual assaults are always reported immediately. In reality, only one-third of sexual assaults are reported, often due to the stigma and fear associated with coming forward. It’s crucial for our sons to grasp that every victim’s journey is unique, influenced by trauma, personal circumstances, and societal pressure. They must learn that the decision to report is deeply personal and should be respected.
3. “He didn’t even rape her.”
Boys take this to mean: As long as I don’t commit rape, my actions are acceptable. This mindset is deeply troubling. Any act without consent constitutes sexual assault, and it’s our responsibility to ensure our boys understand the importance of consent. They should be taught that communication is key and that they should always seek clear, enthusiastic agreement in any intimate situation.
4. “This is just a political attack.”
Boys hear: Women exploit sexual assault accusations for their own gain. This line of thinking trivializes the experiences of victims and fosters a culture of distrust towards women. We must educate our boys that allegations of sexual violence are serious matters deserving of respect and dignity, regardless of the context in which they arise.
5. “You’re innocent until proven guilty.”
Boys may interpret this as: It’s okay to engage in predatory behavior as long as you’re not caught. This is a dangerous message. While the presumption of innocence is a fundamental principle of justice, it should not excuse harmful behavior. Teaching our boys that accountability is essential, regardless of whether they face immediate consequences, is crucial for their development into responsible adults.
In conclusion, the messages we send to boys about sexual violence and consent shape their understanding of relationships and respect. It’s our duty to cultivate a generation that values empathy, believes victims, and understands the importance of consent. By fostering open conversations, we can encourage our sons to become allies in the fight against sexual violence.
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