Having watched my mother manage everything as a single parent has given me a profound appreciation for my partner. Interestingly, the more I talk to friends who are married, the more I realize how grateful I am for him. However, while he is a wonderful partner, there are definitely areas where he could step up his game.
I really appreciate how he willingly takes care of our son when I have commitments. Just the other night, he gave our child a bath, applied moisturizer, and even attempted to style his hair. With a second child on the way, he has been taking on more responsibilities. Still, my gratitude doesn’t mean he’s without flaws. It can be disheartening when others suggest I should be content with his level of involvement, especially when they wish their partners contributed as much.
At some point, society has embraced the outdated notion that husbands should not share the responsibilities of parenting or household management. My mother instilled in me the belief that help is meaningless if it doesn’t equate to shared effort. I learned early on that I would not settle for a partner who would leave me to handle everything on my own.
While my husband does pitch in when he sees me cleaning and supports my aspirations, here are four areas where I wish he would improve:
- Take Initiative
One of the most exasperating aspects of my relationship is that I often have to ask, sometimes repeatedly, for him to do tasks I’ve grown accustomed to managing myself. It would be a joy if he could simply recognize what needs to be done and act on it without being prompted. Instead of reminding him, which adds to my mental load, I dream of a day when he just takes action. - Prioritize Family
As the primary caregiver, my day is structured around our son’s needs, which can be a challenge. My husband, however, tends to assume that I will handle everything related to our child. This dynamic can put immense pressure on those of us who balance work and parenting. If he would take more initiative in these decisions, it would significantly ease the burden I feel. - Engage in Tough Conversations
My husband can swing between being incredibly supportive and frustratingly distant. During stressful moments, he often becomes difficult to approach regarding important discussions. This behavior, I believe, stems from his discomfort with conflict. He has a tendency to be passive-aggressive and often delays conversations until he feels completely prepared. It would help if he understood that not every discussion can wait for the “perfect” moment; some topics just need to be addressed. - Affirm Our Value
For many stay-at-home parents, including myself, there can be feelings of self-doubt regarding our worth. We thrive on affirmation that we are valued. While I’m not hard to please, I wish my partner would express more appreciation throughout the day. As someone who works from home, I often feel my value has diminished, and knowing that he is proud of me and happy to be with me would make a world of difference.
It’s possible my husband, and many others, may try to show their love, but perhaps we simply speak different “Love Languages.” Miscommunication can occur, but wanting more from our partners doesn’t lessen the love we have for them. I cherish my husband and look forward to our future together, but like any long-term relationship, there is always room for growth.
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Summary
Supportive partners can improve their relationships by taking initiative, prioritizing family, engaging in tough conversations, and affirming their partner’s value. While gratitude for their efforts is important, recognizing areas for growth can lead to a more balanced partnership.
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