Parenting
By Jane Thompson
Updated: Oct. 4, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 4, 2023
I finally took the plunge. I left my three little ones—ages eight, six, and four—secured in our minivan, parked outside a small post office with large windows. The lot was nearly empty. My only task was to walk in, hand a sealed and prepaid package to the clerk, and return. There was no line to wait in, and I could keep an eye on them if I chose to.
So, I made the decision. “You three stay put,” I told them confidently. In my area, the only regulation regarding children in vehicles is that they cannot be left in a running car. I tucked the keys away and grabbed the package.
“Are you sure this is okay?” my eight-year-old son, Lucas, asked, concern etched on his face.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” I replied. “I’ll be in and out in less than thirty seconds. You can even count it down. No one’s going to bother you.”
“But what if someone calls the police?” he asked, anxiety creeping into his voice.
My heart sank. My parenting was working too well; he had absorbed our discussions about safety, the news stories we’d heard. Lucas wasn’t worried about a stranger; he feared that someone might interfere with our lives over a brief moment of solitude.
“As long as the car isn’t running, this is perfectly fine,” I reassured him. “It would be a hassle to unbuckle everyone, bring you inside, and then buckle you back in again.”
I shut the door and walked in. The transaction took a mere twenty seconds—I counted. I left my kids alone in the car for just twenty seconds.
I didn’t feel anxious; instead, I felt a sense of accomplishment: I was acting like a regular parent. Leaving children in a car for such a short time should be considered normal, especially when they are in sight. We can’t allow fear to dictate our lives, as parenting advocate Mia Rodriguez pointed out in her discussions on raising resilient kids.
Rodriguez emphasized that it’s simply absurd to believe that thirty seconds alone in a car is dangerous. But my decision went beyond just the logistics of buckling up. It was about trust, community, and our ability to believe in one another. As she articulates, “If you assume your child is perpetually in peril and you alone can safeguard them, you’re undermining community.”
When I left my kids, I wasn’t just trusting that they would be safe from abduction; I was also depending on the goodwill of those around us. I hoped no one would call the authorities and that, should they do so, we would confront it collectively, as rational members of society rather than a panicked crowd. That’s a significant amount of trust, but it’s the kind of world I envision. It won’t materialize unless we actively cultivate it.
It’s also about freedom. Rodriguez notes that mothers often feel bound to their children, with law enforcement sometimes called upon to enforce that. What kind of society do we live in when children are so dependent and sheltered that they cannot be left in a car for a brief moment?
When I was Lucas’s age, my mother would have simply instructed my brother and me not to touch the horn, locked the doors, and strolled into the post office. We’d have pretended to drive to far-off places and entertained ourselves until she returned. No one ever bothered us—this was a time when crime rates were higher than today’s.
My mother had her moments of solitude. We had our independence, free from adult supervision, allowing us to be children. Yes, we may have pushed buttons and fiddled with the steering wheel, but we felt free and trusted. We were responsible for ourselves.
Today, however, my son feels apprehensive. It’s not because he’s afraid of criminals; it’s the fear of judgment from others, the sanctimonious onlookers with cell phones ready to record. He worries about the backlash he might face for me leaving him alone for just twenty seconds, and the potential ridicule on social media.
You—the ones who morally criticize my parenting—are the ones instilling fear in him. You’re the reason he doesn’t trust others, the reason he is hesitant about being left alone.
The true danger lies not in the fleeting moments of solitude but in the collective hysteria that erodes our sense of community. I’m worried not just about the possibility of being reported, but about the society being shaped—a world where children are overprotected, incapable of handling independence.
So yes, I left my kids in the car. And you know what? I’d do it again.
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In summary, I left my children alone in the car for a brief moment and reflected on the implications of trust and community. The fears we often harbor about parenting can overshadow the freedoms we had growing up. It’s essential to foster a world where children can thrive independently while also creating a supportive environment for parents.
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