As society evolves, more transgender individuals are embracing their true selves at younger ages. My five-year-old child, who is transgender, is one such example. I feel fortunate to live in an area where acceptance and support are prevalent, and where my children attend schools surrounded by understanding allies. This has led to many parents sharing uplifting stories about their experiences with transgender children.
I often hear anecdotes like this: “Ella played with a child at school, but she can’t remember his new name; he used to be Alex and they had so much fun together at recess! Kids are so accepting!” It’s heartwarming to see such openness, and it shows that these parents are also embracing acceptance. However, not all parents feel the same way. Some genuinely want to be supportive but may struggle to understand what being an ally entails.
The term “transgender” can often be perplexing and intimidating. To help demystify it, let’s explain what it means when your child has a transgender friend and how you can be an effective ally.
How Can Kids Know They’re Transgender?
It’s common to hear skepticism about how a young child can identify as transgender. While I can’t speak for everyone’s experiences, I can clarify that being transgender means a person’s gender identity (how they see themselves) doesn’t match their biological sex. In simpler terms, their physical attributes don’t align with their gender identity. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, most children have a strong sense of their gender identity by the age of four.
To put it another way, do you question your son with male anatomy when he says he’s a boy? No, you don’t. Children have a deep understanding of themselves. Transgender children also see themselves in a similar light, often identifying as a boy or girl before they even adopt the label of “transgender.”
What Should You Tell Your Child?
You might not need to say much at all. While you may be aware of your child’s friend’s transgender status, your child might not be. This information may have come from another parent, or the transgender child’s family may not openly discuss it. They are navigating their daily lives just like everyone else.
It’s essential not to disclose a child’s transgender status without their consent. Some may identify with their true gender from the start, while others may transition at different times. For instance, Alex could become Jamie, emphasizing that Jamie is now allowed to be Jamie.
If your child has questions, keep your explanations straightforward. You might say, “Jamie was born with girl anatomy but identifies as a boy. He wants to be recognized as he sees himself.” If your child is not asking questions, there’s no need for an extensive conversation. Let their curiosity guide the discussion.
How to Interact with His or Her Parents
When you meet the parents of a transgender child, treat them like any other parents. Share stories about school experiences or discuss everyday challenges, like the complexities of third-grade math. There’s no need to highlight your awareness of their child’s transgender identity or proclaim your acceptance; this can unintentionally draw unnecessary attention and make them feel isolated.
When my child’s counselor asked how he could show support, I responded that my daughter already assumes acceptance. As parents of transgender children, we’re often aware of the prejudice that can arise, so while we can’t always take support for granted, we appreciate when others treat us like everyone else. We hope that you’ll stand up for our children if someone misgenders them and that you’ll educate yourself instead of asking us during awkward moments.
By engaging with our families like any other, you reinforce that our kids are simply kids. Inviting my child to a birthday party or a playdate demonstrates that you see them as just another friend.
So, if your child has a transgender friend, it simply means they have a friend—nothing more, nothing less.
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In summary, understanding and acceptance are key when it comes to supporting transgender children and their families. By fostering an environment of openness and kindness, we can help create a world where all children feel valued for who they are.
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