I never envisioned myself as a mother. Unlike many women who fantasize about family life with a partner and a couple of kids, my idea of “having it all” revolved around binge-watching my favorite series on Netflix, a convenient subway ride, and a Pembroke Welsh Corgi—yes, the bar was set quite high! But those dogs sure are adorable, despite the shedding.
When I began writing a dating column for the now-defunct JANE magazine, I certainly didn’t expect to find my soulmate. However, during a blind date at my beloved coffee spot in NYC (71 Irving in Gramercy—trust me, it’s a must-visit!), I met my best friend. A bit cheesy? Absolutely, but it’s the undeniable truth.
After dating and moving in together, we tied the knot in a cozy Ukrainian Catholic Church in Toronto, sporting crowns in a unique tradition—our very own mini Royal Wedding, complete with 15 guests and a priest in leather sandals!
As much as I loved the life we were building, the idea of having children didn’t sit well with me. My husband, on the other hand, was destined to be a dad. Seeing him interact with our friends’ kids melted my heart; he transformed from an intense, often shy man, into a playful and relaxed dad figure.
Years later, when I unexpectedly found myself pregnant, I was filled with both fear and excitement. To my surprise, the pregnancy experience was nothing like I had imagined—no swollen feet, excessive weight gain, or mood swings! Instead, I found joy in every moment, almost wishing it could last longer—though I definitely wanted to see my feet again (and shave my legs). This little human was becoming an essential part of our lives.
Once our son turned nine months, discussions about baby number two began. Around this time, I decided to stop breastfeeding, as my son’s teething habits were leaving me more than a little sore.
And that’s when I stumbled upon it. A lump. A few weeks later, my worst nightmare was confirmed: breast cancer. The subsequent days and weeks were a whirlwind of tests and anxiety, culminating in a double mastectomy to eliminate the malignant cells. The surgery itself was manageable, mainly due to my relief at having those harmful cells removed. Yet, cancer carries the constant threat of recurrence.
The tumor’s pathology report indicated that estrogen was the fuel for my cancer, leading to a treatment plan that included monthly injections thrusting me into menopause and daily anti-estrogen medication. While these treatments are crucial for my recovery and prevention of a relapse, they also mean that pregnancy is off the table for now.
Fortunately, years ago, my husband and I had the foresight to freeze our embryos. After settling in Toronto, I came across an article about backup plans for women in their 30s who wanted to delay motherhood. We took the plunge and created our future little ones, safely stored away for the time being. This means our dream of expanding our family is still alive.
Now, we’re exploring the process of finding a surrogate. I’ve been busy drafting our bios for the application and even recorded a “Meet Us” video to attract potential surrogates. It’s a bit reminiscent of my dating profile days: “Couple seeking surrogate to carry a child. Non-smokers preferred. Vegans welcome”—just kidding! There’s no way I’d deny my child the joys of meat and cheese.
This upcoming journey will undoubtedly test our relationship’s limits and will be fraught with costs and uncertainty. Once we find a surrogate, there’s no guarantee she will conceive or carry the baby to term. Yet, we hold onto hope.
Breast cancer won’t steal our dreams. While this isn’t the path we initially envisioned for our family, if we succeed in welcoming baby number two, we’ll consider ourselves incredibly fortunate. Sometimes, detours lead us to where we were always meant to be.
In summary, my life has taken unexpected turns, but love, resilience, and hope keep guiding us. If you’re interested in understanding more about home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC. You can also explore our at-home insemination kit for a convenient option, or learn about the Cryobaby home kit for intracervical insemination.
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