When I set out to write this piece, I imagined myself nestled at my dining table, sipping a steaming cup of coffee in tranquil solitude. However, that picture-perfect scenario was just a mirage. In reality, my morning began at 11 a.m. with me frantically calling a friend to brainstorm how on earth to kick off this post. Soon after, I was juggling business calls and comforting friends grappling with their own life challenges (the kind of struggles that rarely make it to social media). Oh, and I managed to change the sheets on three beds along the way. Let me be clear: my place is a mess.
And just so you know: my coffee is now lukewarm and it’s already 1:30 p.m.
When I say “mess,” I don’t just mean that the floors need vacuuming or the dust bunnies have formed their own colony. No, it’s a deeper kind of mess — a tangible representation of real life. It feels chaotic and unkempt, something we often feel compelled to tidy up and conceal from others. Perfection is an illusion that rarely aligns with our actual experiences. Life doesn’t adhere to our neatly designed plans, and sometimes we have to slog through difficult moments just to get through the day. And that’s completely okay. Often, those very trenches of life can lead us to our greatest blessings. If we shift our perspective, we might just discover that there’s good buried in that mess.
Lessons Learned
The most profound lesson I’ve learned as a mother is straightforward: my children won’t always behave as I’d like. The biggest revelation I’ve had in my marriage is that it’s not solely about my needs. And perhaps the most significant takeaway from life itself is this: we stumble, but we can always pick ourselves back up and begin anew.
With the bad often comes the good.
This whole experience is a learning journey, and we’re certainly not alone in our struggles. Yet, it can feel isolating when we scroll through those seemingly flawless images, pristine posts, and perfectly filtered moments. Have you ever tried to snap a flawless selfie? It’s just as challenging as getting all your kids to smile in a family photo while the dog cooperates too. If we’re willing to take twenty selfies or edit our family pictures, then why would we expect our lives to unfold seamlessly the first time around?
Embracing the Mess
This winter, I shared my thoughts about a massive snowstorm that hit my town, shutting down most local businesses. People rushed to the grocery stores, panicking over what could go wrong. But what if, instead, we took a moment to appreciate what might go right? I urged readers to pause and soak in the moment. But let’s push that idea further: what if we learned to embrace the messiness, the discomfort, and the imperfections of life? What if we took a moment to breathe in that fresh, soft snow and express gratitude for the quiet it brought? Or what if we simply enjoyed being at home with our families during an unplanned day of togetherness?
Let’s go even further: what if we celebrated those “failed” selfies and shared them? Letting others see our unfiltered lives could be liberating. Yes, it’s a daunting thought, but we all have our struggles. Why hide them?
Finding Strength in Community
I may not have formal qualifications in psychology or family dynamics, but I do have the ability to listen. As a woman working in a predominantly female environment, I interact with women every day. I hear about their daily lives, their children, their marriages, and their careers. I listen to their small victories as well as their monumental challenges — the kind of struggles that leave you reeling. But what’s inspiring is witnessing these women rise again, sharing their resilience and determination to move forward. It’s when they confront their messiness and acknowledge it that they begin to piece themselves back together, forging a path toward a brighter future. Don’t shy away from your mess, embrace it. Use it as fuel to strive for the good.
You can’t achieve a tidy home without first experiencing a little chaos. If your house remains a bit disheveled while you focus on other important aspects of your life, that’s completely acceptable. These are the realities we rarely showcase. Ironically, we’re all living in this messiness, yet we often find ourselves fixated on those polished, filtered snapshots of others’ lives — the same ones we contribute to as well. I’m confident they have their own outtakes, too.
We all have our mess, and it evolves daily. Life isn’t perfect, but within that imperfection lies our unique version of perfection. So, live fully — even the messy parts — and find joy in them. Embracing the chaos isn’t so daunting; it’s just a matter of perspective.
This article was originally published on April 1, 2019.
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Summary
Embracing the chaos of everyday life can lead to personal growth and resilience. Rather than striving for perfection, we should celebrate the messiness that comes with being a parent, partner, and individual. By sharing our unfiltered experiences, we can foster a sense of community and support among those who also navigate the unpredictable journey of life.
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