In the realm of parenting, “trust your instincts” is often touted as the go-to advice. Your gut feeling transforms into maternal intuition, guiding you through uncertainty, anxiety, and feelings of something being off. We, as parents, have an innate understanding of our children, being their first line of defense when issues arise. We can spot red flags, discern when to be concerned, and even recognize when we might be overreacting.
However, for me, as a mom grappling with anxiety, that “trust your gut” advice feels immensely complicated. My instincts often scream that everything is catastrophically wrong. I’m perpetually on edge, plagued by a sense of vulnerability, especially regarding my children, who are my world.
Some days, I manage better than others, but the reality is, if I depended solely on my gut feelings, I’d be living in the emergency room. I’d be on the phone with health professionals daily, unable to let family or friends take care of my kids without worrying they were on the brink of disaster. A simple headline about a rare illness can keep me up at night, convinced my child’s mild cold is something life-threatening. I’ll check on them obsessively, bringing them into my bed for reassurance, often resorting to prayers—though I’m not particularly religious—just hoping for their safety.
I recognize this might leave others puzzled. It seems irrational, and I get that. Yet, understanding doesn’t cure my anxiety; it’s a vicious cycle. For instance, I read about the dangers of popcorn for toddlers and become a bundle of nerves, convinced that allowing my child to enjoy a bowl is a recipe for disaster. The mere thought of him needing emergency surgery fills me with dread, making it hard to focus on anything else.
Driving without me? That’s another anxiety trigger. I know I can’t prevent tragedies, but at least I’d feel safer knowing I’m in control—driving carefully, ensuring the car seats are correctly installed. I even extend this worry to my husband, despite knowing he’s a great dad who cares deeply. My anxiety doesn’t play fair; it insists on doubts without logical grounds, making it difficult for me to fully relax when my kids aren’t by my side. I recognize how exhausting this is for him too, needing to reassure me repeatedly.
Each day becomes a battle between my mind and worst-case scenarios. It’s overwhelming and draining. If I had a magic wand to make this anxiety vanish, I would use it in a heartbeat. I want to experience what it’s like to exist without that constant tension.
That said, I actively manage my mental health. I know that professional help—like medication and therapy—alongside personal coping strategies—such as exercise and self-care—can ease my symptoms. They help, but they don’t eliminate my anxiety. I strive to function like someone without it, desperately wanting to be the mom who can trust her instincts.
To the outside world, I may seem proactive in my children’s lives, engaging in their education and health. I encourage their adventures and fun, but inside, I’m fighting a constant battle. It’s an isolating experience, yet I know I’m not alone in this struggle.
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In summary, while many parents can rely on their instincts, for those of us battling anxiety, it’s a different story. We navigate the complexities of motherhood while managing our mental health, striving to balance our fears with the joys of parenting.
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