There are days when I long for the simpler times when extended families lived just a stone’s throw away. Maybe then someone would come to my aid when my four kids are wailing, squabbling, or pestering me during those early morning hours, late-night cries, and all the chaotic moments in between. If not for my own peace of mind, then perhaps for theirs too.
But then I remember why I sometimes wish for a time machine to escape to those so-called good days — my in-laws can be a handful. Any nostalgia for family support quickly fades, especially when I consider how often I reach out for help and get nothing in return.
I’m not trying to play the victim here. I can juggle everything when necessary. I mean, I’m a mom, and we all know how well moms handle it all. However, I’m running on fumes from doing it alone when I was promised a village to support me.
The reality is that my family may be nearby geographically, but they feel emotionally distant. They often “offer” help, but I take those words with a hefty dose of skepticism. Their absence stings and makes me question their reliability.
When help is suggested, it often starts with “maybe.” Phrases like, “Maybe I can take the kids this weekend if nothing else comes up,” are all too familiar. (If you’re a parent, you know what “maybe” often translates to.) Now, I just nod along, thinking, “We’ll see how that goes.”
I don’t intend to be bitter or resentful toward my loved ones, but there’s only so many times empty promises can be made before they lose their meaning.
I hesitate to let myself get excited. I know it sounds a bit absurd — getting hopeful for a little break from my kids — but it’s true. I have work to do at home, and when my “village” fails to deliver on their promises, it adds to my burden.
I’ve heard it all:
- “My head hurts.”
- “I forgot… I have to do this and that.”
- “I’m SO sorry, but… [insert any excuse here].”
- “I can’t because of… (wait for it)…. MY PETS.”
Really? The pets? I love animals too, but please, just admit you’ve changed your mind instead of serving up a lame excuse.
I signed up for this — being available for my kids’ every need 24/7. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But the absence of my so-called village is painful; it affects not just me but my children as well.
We rely on FaceTime to connect with family since that’s often the only way they see their relatives. It’s disheartening when family members promise to pick up the kids only to back out at the last minute with excuses or no explanation at all. I’m left explaining to my children, who are eagerly waiting by the door in their coats, why their anticipated family outing is canceled.
Their unreliability leads to my distrust, and instead of lightening my load, their empty offers sometimes add to it. It’s frustrating because I can’t comprehend why they won’t step up in the same way I would for them.
Despite all the promises, I’ve had just one night away from the kids. One. And that “break” started just an hour before bedtime and ended an hour after they usually wake up. Not exactly a proper escape.
It isn’t just about my need for personal time; it’s about the missed opportunities for my family to bond with these remarkable little humans while they’re still young. They’re the brightest, most loving kids, and while I know my extended family appreciates them, they don’t seem to engage with them like my family did when I was younger.
It’s disappointing, but perhaps an unreliable extended family is what we need. Maybe we’ll realize, even without outside help, that we have everything we need right around our kitchen table. Just us.
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, Lily shares her frustrations about the lack of support from her extended family, who live nearby but are emotionally distant. Though she can manage motherhood on her own, the empty promises of help take a toll on her and her children. The article highlights the importance of family engagement and the emotional impact of absent support.
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