I often express my gratitude to my partner for the little things. Whether it’s taking the kids to the park while I recuperate from a long day at home or changing a diaper that I was all too aware of, I want him to feel appreciated. I thank him when he encourages me to take a break and see my friends, even when the guilt of motherhood tries to keep me home.
However, my appreciation takes a hit when I hear stories from friends about their partners who seem oblivious to the basics of parenting. Like when one friend mentions her husband won’t watch the kids alone at night, or another whose husband sulks because dinner isn’t on the table when he arrives home. Meanwhile, my friend, who was sick, managed to care for their children all day—yet, her partner can’t even pick up takeout on the way home.
After these conversations, I always find myself thanking my partner for simply not being a jerk. Time and again, he seems surprised that being a good husband only requires not being a terrible one.
This isn’t about bragging; it’s about questioning what’s wrong with those who can’t even meet the bare minimum to be a decent partner. It’s really not that complicated. Here are the two essential rules for being a good partner:
- Be kind.
- Be considerate.
That’s it! Just two things. If that sounds overwhelming, take a moment to reflect and remind yourself to grow up and stop being such a jerk.
Every relationship has its own rhythm, and marriage often involves a balancing act of responsibilities. Sometimes one partner might handle most of the cooking, and that’s perfectly fine if it’s agreed upon. What’s not okay is coming home and grunting about dinner instead of saying hello and asking how you can contribute.
Better yet, skip the asking. Use your eyes and your brain; assess the situation when you walk in. Is the table empty? Start setting it. Are there carrots on the counter? Grab a knife and chop. That’s a solid start.
If you’re a husband and father who coasts through life, it’s likely because your partner is clearing the way for you, usually at her own expense. If she’s lamenting her lack of time for a shower and you’ve never stepped in to help, you’re failing at your responsibilities. Being her partner means being kind and considerate.
If you can’t be bothered to get off the couch to watch your kids so she can enjoy a proper shower instead of a rushed rinse-off, you’re not doing your part.
If you belittle her work and dismiss her efforts, you’re failing. If you act clueless about caring for your children or maintaining the home, you’re still not doing your job.
All it takes is to avoid being a jerk and to think of the needs of the one person who consistently considers yours—your partner, the one you vowed to support and with whom you built a family. Master those two simple actions, and you’re at least a decent husband.
If you can’t manage to be kind and considerate, you’re merely adding to her workload and might find yourself facing some serious consequences later on. So, step up and do your part.
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Summary
Being a good partner is about kindness and consideration. It’s not difficult to support your partner and share responsibilities, yet many men fall short. Simple actions like helping out around the house and being aware of your partner’s needs can significantly improve your relationship. If you can’t manage the basics, it may lead to serious consequences down the line.
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