The 1980s often evoke a sense of nostalgia, especially regarding child-rearing. Picture this: moms gathering to sip on Tab and smoke cigarettes while their children ran wild outside, free to explore their neighborhoods. Today, many parents reminisce about that era—not necessarily for the Tab or cigarettes, but for the camaraderie and ease of letting kids play outside unsupervised. Back then, leaving a child in the car for a quick grocery run was common, and the fear of someone reporting you to child protective services simply didn’t exist. Stranger danger was a concern, but not to the extent it is now.
Yet, was it truly as carefree as we remember? We’re not just ’80s kids; we were also raised by mothers who navigated the complexities of parenting in a different time. They stood in long lines to snag coveted Cabbage Patch Dolls and patiently explained pop culture moments, like the Alvin and the Chipmunks special about the Berlin Wall.
My own mother, who gave birth to me in 1981, recalls letting me play outside at the age of five—what today’s parents might label “free-range parenting.” “You loved painting with water on the patio while I was busy in the kitchen,” she reminisces. After moving when I was six, my younger brother and I were often seen playing in our expansive yard, trusted to keep the gates closed behind us.
However, it wasn’t that our mothers were oblivious to our whereabouts. “You mostly played on the porch,” my mom adds. By the time I was seven, my brother and I were permitted to walk two blocks to our grandparents’ house—crossing streets and passing a park filled with playground equipment.
Interestingly, helicopter parenting existed in the ’80s too. Take the example of Sarah Thompson, a strict mom whose children were born in 1981 and 1983. While she enforced set bedtimes and limited TV time, she also encouraged her kids to play outside, where they roamed freely with neighborhood friends, climbing trees and playing flashlight tag at night.
But motherhood had its challenges. Linda Martinez, who raised her children in the ’70s, candidly shares that she often battled depression and sent her kids outside to play. “I told them to leave me alone unless Eric Clapton, Dan Fogelberg, or Jesus Christ came to the door,” she admits, laughing.
Some of the freedoms we enjoyed as kids in the ’80s might now be deemed negligent. For instance, my mother allowed me to walk half a block to buy bread at just four years old. By eight, I could cross streets to buy snacks at the local gas station. Sarah, despite calling herself strict, taught her kids to walk half a mile to a corner store, trusting them to navigate the busy road.
When asked about her worries regarding safety, my mom chuckled. “I was more concerned about you messing with the emergency brake and rolling into another car.” Similarly, Sarah only worried about her kids being safe during their first trip to the corner store, while Linda didn’t fret at all about kidnappings. “I was more concerned about them getting run over by a car,” she explained.
Both my mom and Sarah emphasized the significance of knowing your neighbors. “We trusted our community,” Sarah noted. “Everyone looked out for one another’s kids.” My mom echoed this sentiment, recalling how everyone on our street knew each other well. As Sarah pointed out, that sense of community is often missing today, where strangers are viewed with suspicion.
Despite the relaxed outdoor freedoms of the ’80s, we still had rules at home. My brother and I didn’t have TVs in our rooms; we completed chores, and our parents stayed involved in our education. We learned to fend for ourselves, whether that meant getting a snack or playing outside without supervision.
So, perhaps today’s parents could take a page from the playbook of our ’80s moms. Loosening the reins a bit, letting kids play outside, and embracing a sense of community could benefit everyone. “I always knew generally where you were,” my mom remarked, frustrated when I implied she didn’t care. “I did care. But I didn’t worry.”
In a world filled with constant anxiety and fear, maybe we could embrace that attitude. We should care, yes, but perhaps we could also learn to worry a little less.
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Summary:
The 1980s brought a unique approach to parenting, characterized by a sense of freedom for children and a strong community bond among parents. While we reflect on these memories with fondness, it’s essential to recognize that parenting has always had its complexities. By embracing both care and a little less worry, today’s parents can find balance and encourage independence in their children.
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