Parenting
By Samantha
Updated: Sep. 13, 2019
Originally Published: April 17, 2019
Trigger Warning: child abuse, trauma, and miscarriage.
“Life isn’t always fair.”
“When the wind isn’t blowing, just keep rowing.”
We’ve all heard the first phrase before, and I recently came across the second one. The significance of these words is deeply personal and emotional; I believe the way we perceive life can determine our success.
When I was six, life was idyllic. We lived in a beautiful house in Phoenix, complete with a pool and a spacious yard. I had my own room, and for a child, everything felt perfect. However, that year marked the beginning of significant change when my dad declared bankruptcy. As a young child, the implications were lost on me, but I soon realized that everything I cherished was slipping away as we headed to California to start anew.
For those unfamiliar with bankruptcy, let me share what I remember. It involved endless paperwork, but the most shocking part was the strangers who entered our home, appraising our belongings and ultimately stripping away what represented our family’s life. Watching our possessions leave in a truck for auction was a bewildering experience for a naive six-year-old, and I could sense my dad’s pride diminishing that day.
After relocating, we moved into a cramped three-bedroom house with my grandparents. I knew no one. My brother and I shared a room, and I was thrust into a new school, forced to make new friends while grappling with feelings of anger and confusion. I didn’t understand why everything had changed or why my dad was so upset. My grandmother and I clashed often, and I felt like a guest in my own life.
Yet, my grandmother’s love was unwavering. She poured her heart into understanding me, taking me line dancing and sharing her passion for the ocean. Her number remains one of the few I have memorized, and we lost her nearly three years ago.
Through that difficult time, I developed a love for the ocean, spending summers as a junior lifeguard, jumping off piers, learning to surf, and making friends that I still cherish today.
Fast forward to when my husband, Mark, and I welcomed our daughter, Lily. We were excited to expand our family and began trying for another child when Lily turned one. The joy we felt when the pregnancy test turned positive was palpable. However, it quickly turned into dread when I started spotting. My doctor confirmed my fears: I was experiencing a miscarriage.
The physical pain was excruciating, and it felt like a cruel twist of fate. As we drove to Phoenix, I found myself in a rest stop bathroom, unprepared for the overwhelming reality of what was happening. If someone had warned me about the messiness of the experience, it might have softened the shock. I was alone, scared, and humiliated.
Afterward, I returned home to process the loss, battling hormonal changes and depression. We attempted to conceive again, and with medical assistance, I finally became pregnant once more. But joy turned to heartbreak again when I suffered another miscarriage.
Despite the pain, my husband and I focused on our daughter, Lily, and began exploring fostering and adoption. I supported a close friend dealing with fertility challenges, bonding over shared experiences. Eventually, our lives took a bright turn when I successfully carried our second daughter, Mia, to full term, followed by an unexpected surprise with our third daughter, Ava.
Life, however, took another unexpected turn when we hired a nanny to help care for our daughters while we worked. After a four-day trip, I returned home to find our youngest, Ava, acting unusually. Her head was swollen, and she seemed lethargic. My gut told me something was wrong, but the nanny dismissed my concerns, attributing it to a minor incident.
But the truth emerged when my older daughter, Lily, finally opened up about a frightening experience while we were away. It became evident that Ava had endured a traumatic event, leading to a frantic visit to the doctor. The heartbreaking diagnosis of a cranial fracture shattered our world, and we were thrust into a nightmare of suspicion and scrutiny.
As our family faced the fallout, we chose to reevaluate our priorities. We committed to being more present for our children, even adjusting our work schedules to part-time. We embraced everyday moments—park outings, crafts, and family games—growing closer as a family. Thankfully, Ava recovered, and we were granted the opportunity to nurture our daughters during their formative years.
Life can be unpredictable and unfair. But through hardship, we learned the importance of resilience and the value of family.
If you’re exploring options for growing your family, consider checking out resources like this at-home insemination kit and this fertility boost kit. For additional information on intrauterine insemination, this link provides valuable insights.
In summary, life’s challenges are often unpredictable, but with perseverance and a strong support system, we can navigate even the darkest of times to find joy and fulfillment.
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