Yesterday unfolded like any other day in our busy household. I woke up, showered, and got ready before heading to gather the kids. My partner followed suit, taking care of the dogs. After dropping the kids off at daycare and working throughout the day, we picked them up and returned home.
As soon as we walked in, our toddler was eager to see the puppies, enthusiastically chanting “Puppy! Puppy! Puppy!” My partner took the toddler downstairs while I took off our jackets and neatly hung them in the closet. I even found a moment to put my shoes away (trust me, this detail is important). After changing, I started clearing clutter from the kitchen table, and once that was done, I headed to the living room to play with the baby.
That’s when it happened. My partner and toddler emerged from the basement. He removed the toddler’s jacket and shoes, placing them on the kitchen table, then plopped the toddler down to grab a snack for himself. In that moment, I asked, “Could you please put Haden’s jacket and shoes in the closet?”
The moment I uttered those words, I realized they were the wrong choice. Suddenly, a flood of memories rushed in: the countless times I had asked him for help with simple tasks—putting away the kids’ jackets, getting the baby a bottle, rinsing a plate, taking out the trash. It all became crystal clear to me. I wasn’t asking him to help; I was simply requesting him to fulfill his responsibilities as a partner and father. So, I said, “Actually, can you just do it? It’s not helping me out; it’s just putting your kid’s things away.” He didn’t respond but complied.
From that moment forward, I decided I would no longer ask my partner for help, unless it involved an extraordinary favor, like rescuing me from a giant bug that seemed sent from the underworld.
Here’s why this shift in perspective is crucial:
- It Undermines His Value
My partner is an adult and a fully capable individual. He should not be seen as my assistant or someone who needs my guidance to contribute. He has his own worth and can recognize what needs to be done in a busy home. When he asks me for something, it’s clear it’s not just for him; it’s for our family. - It Places Unfair Burden on Me
I don’t bear the sole responsibility for managing our household or caring for our children. Framing our dynamic as one where I’m asking for help diminishes that shared responsibility. I would gladly own a luxurious boat or a fancy car, but the entirety of our household’s management is not one of those desires. I want to share that responsibility equally. - It Sets a Misleading Example for Our Children
I want my boys to grow up understanding that contributing to the household isn’t an act of generosity; it’s simply part of being a partner. They should take pride in their contributions without expecting praise for basic chores like taking out the trash or hanging up a coat. - It Diminishes Our Partnership
My partner is exactly that: my partner and equal. We may handle things differently, but our shared goal is a happy family and a home that isn’t a disaster zone of toddler snacks. I don’t want to dictate his actions or have him think his role is merely to help me; he’s here to be a father and my partner. Oh, and to tackle those pesky bugs.
So, next time I see his clean laundry sitting in the dryer for days, instead of asking for help folding it so I can do the kids’ clothes, I’ll just tell him to move his stuff out of my way.
In conclusion, redefining how I communicate with my partner has the potential to strengthen our partnership and set a better example for our kids. For more insights on family planning and fertility, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
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