Like many mothers, I have an endless collection of photos featuring my children. I’ve taken on the role of family photographer with gusto; in fact, the camera quality on a phone is my top priority over any other feature. My phone’s camera is my trusty companion for capturing candid moments of the kids as they get into mischief. It has documented my pregnancies and the early days of motherhood, especially since my family lives over 800 miles away. It has also been invaluable during my husband’s lengthy work trips.
However, while scrolling through the thousands of pictures, I made a disheartening discovery. Despite having nearly a thousand images of my kids, their dad, and even our dog, I realized there were very few photos of me.
Talking to other mothers has made it clear that this is a widespread issue. We diligently take countless photos, ensuring our families can look back on precious memories. Yet, we often overlook that we should also be part of those memories. So, I decided it was time to let my loved ones know that we want to be in those snapshots too.
I first noticed this disparity when I became a new mom, excitedly snapping photos of my son and husband. I naively assumed we would share the responsibility of capturing family moments, but that didn’t happen. While I don’t believe my partner intentionally excluded me, it reflects a broader trend where women’s needs are often overlooked in various aspects of life.
Every day, mothers make thoughtful choices to uplift family spirits—whether it’s organizing family dinners or insisting on professional portraits for the wall. We’re so good at being the family’s backbone that our own desires often go unacknowledged.
Realizing my husband wasn’t likely to take the initiative to include me in photos, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I started asking him to take pictures of me with the kids. Initially, it felt a bit awkward—more direct than I was used to—but now that I have a growing collection of images with my children, it feels incredibly rewarding.
Being present in family photos has shown me that my needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. It has also taught me that expressing those needs isn’t selfish; it’s essential. We mothers deserve to be seen and recognized.
Moreover, I want my kids to have a record of my presence, in case anything were to happen to me. I have very few photos of my mom—especially from her younger days—and it saddens me. Having a timeline of images helps showcase that we are complex individuals who had lives before motherhood. After I’m gone, I want my family to remember me as more than just “mom.”
Now, as I look back on the last four years, I appreciate having those memories documented. They serve as a reminder of my growth and evolution as a mother.
As I consider upgrading my phone, once again the camera quality is a priority. But this time, it’s not just about capturing my beautiful children and husband; it’s about ensuring I’m included in those moments too. And I have no shame in demanding that.
If you’re a mother who shares in the “absent from photo heartbreak,” it’s vital to know that your family may not realize you want to be included. But it doesn’t have to stay that way. Speaking up about your needs can have a profound impact on many areas of your life.
I’ve learned that if I don’t advocate for myself, no one else will. Who knew a quest for family photos could lead to such valuable insights?
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Summary:
In this reflective piece, a mother shares her journey of realizing the importance of being included in family photos. Despite being the family photographer, she discovered a significant lack of images featuring herself. Through her experience, she emphasizes the need for mothers to advocate for their own presence in memories, highlighting the importance of recognizing their needs and desires within the family dynamic.
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