While grilling skewers with my husband and watching our kids bounce around like little fireflies, I received a text from a close friend. “Call me. Mark and I are in a serious rut.”
Knowing her penchant for dramatics, I quickly stepped away from the cookout, dialed her number, and braced myself for the news. All I could think was, what had that guy done this time? Would I need to step in with some tough love? I really liked him, after all.
When she finally picked up, I could hear the anger in her voice as she recounted the events that led to her confrontation with Mark. Eventually, she blurted out, “I found porn in Mark’s browser history! He’s watching porn!” It sounded like she believed the world had come crashing down.
And I left my deliciously grilled skewers for this?
While I tried to comfort her, I also offered my perspective, which I feared might come off as siding with her husband. I understood her feelings of betrayal, especially since she was just three weeks postpartum and not feeling her best. However, I couldn’t relate to her sense of hurt.
My husband, like many men, is quite visual. He often needs visual stimulation to reach that desired moment of pleasure. Even during our intimate moments, he prefers the lights on and the sun shining. When he indulges in a little solo viewing of adult films, he claims that it helps him achieve satisfaction.
Is he making excuses? Perhaps. But honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all.
In my experience, watching porn within a relationship isn’t betrayal; it’s part of being human. It doesn’t lead to infidelity for us because both my husband and I are committed to each other. I even indulge in a little porn myself when I’m looking for some extra inspiration.
I won’t pretend that our libidos always align perfectly, but our sex life is a strong point in our relationship. So why should I care if he finds a little visual motivation before bed? The truth is, I don’t.
Growing up in a conservative environment, I was taught that premarital sex, masturbation, and watching porn were sins. This created a barrier in expressing my desires in the bedroom, not just with my husband but with previous partners as well. I longed to share what I wanted but felt childish for even thinking about it.
Then porn entered the picture.
I’m not sure how it started, but my husband and I began watching adult films together. I often had a say in the genre, and these choices became a clever way to communicate my desires—“Hey, could you maybe make it a bit more adventurous?”
Thanks to his responsiveness, our intimacy has evolved into something much more fulfilling. We now have open discussions about our preferences, eliminating the need for subtle hints.
While I won’t claim that porn was the sole reason for this shift, it certainly offered me the confidence to express my needs. It served as an icebreaker in our relationship.
Reflecting on my earlier shyness around my husband during intimate moments seems absurd now. If it weren’t for the courage I found in sharing my preferences through porn, we might still be stuck in a less satisfying sexual routine.
I understand this approach may not suit every couple, but it’s been a positive experience for us. We maintain transparency, and I know I could check my husband’s browser history without a second thought—and I wouldn’t be troubled by it.
Of course, I recognize that porn can be an addiction for some, and it can negatively impact relationships. However, for us, it’s a personal choice we make when we’re not in the mood for physical intimacy, and that works just fine.
I know my husband well, so I don’t mind if he watches a little porn every now and then.
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Summary:
In this article, Jamie shares how watching porn has positively influenced her marriage, allowing for better communication about sexual preferences and desires. Through open discussions and shared experiences, she and her husband have created a fulfilling and healthy sexual dynamic.
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