The 3 Essential Lessons We Impart to Our Black Sons

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Navigating motherhood as the parent of three black boys is no small feat. I see them just like any other children, yet I am acutely aware of the harsh realities they may face. Unfortunately, there are individuals who will judge them without ever taking the time to understand who they truly are.

My boys are kind, respectful, and loving, and they inspire me every single day. I often wish that my parenting only involved the usual lessons that all parents share, but it breaks my heart to recognize that I need to address issues that many others may not have to. The world can be a harsh place, filled with people who harbor anger and hatred based on skin color. Although progress has been made, the remnants of prejudice still linger, affecting countless lives. This reality drives my husband and me to be more intentional in raising our sons.

While there are countless lessons to teach, these three stand out as the most crucial.

1. You Are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.

We encourage our children to memorize and embrace the positive affirmations that come from God. They need to recognize their intrinsic worth and know that they are unique in our eyes and those of the Creator. We have family discussions around the dinner table where they share what makes them special.

It’s vital for them to build a strong sense of self-worth, especially as they may face moments of doubt in the future. I was fortunate to grow up in a nurturing environment where my parents constantly uplifted me. This kind of support is not universal, regardless of background. I did experience times, particularly during my teenage years, when I questioned my value, compounded by negative racial remarks from peers in my predominantly white school. Had my parents not prioritized self-esteem, I could have faced a much different path.

My hope is that by instilling unwavering confidence in my boys, they will weather life’s storms with strength, fully aware of the incredible individuals God has crafted them to be.

2. Choose Faith Over Fear.

As a mother of black boys, fear can often feel paralyzing. It’s not merely influenced by sensationalized news stories; I know many who have endured deeply traumatic experiences due to racism. I’ve met professionals who’ve faced discrimination simply because of their skin color.

We do not teach our kids to view law enforcement as adversaries; instead, we explain that racism exists in every profession. We guide them to rise above it emotionally. Whether it’s a suspicious store clerk or a hiring manager who overlooks them despite their qualifications, prejudice can manifest in various ways.

This struggle is not new; systemic inequality has long been a part of our history. However, I see hope in the growing awareness and sensitivity surrounding these issues, thanks in part to social media. My boys must understand this reality, yet they must also learn that faith can triumph over fear. We emphasize that God has the final say, and they can always lean on Him during challenging times.

Focusing on fear can be debilitating, and I sometimes find myself anxious about their futures. I remind myself to trust in God’s plan for their lives and encourage them to do the same. We prioritize family time, engaging in open dialogues about their concerns—from school to friendships—reinforcing the belief that hope and faith can inspire change.

3. You Can Achieve Anything.

Society may suggest that their paths are limited to professional sports or entertainment, but we teach them that their possibilities are boundless. We encourage them to dream big, exposing them to various experiences that ignite their creativity and ambition.

They will likely have to exert more effort to break through negative stereotypes, but hard work pays off. It won’t always be easy, and they may encounter disrespect, but persistence is key. My husband and I strive to equip them with the confidence to pursue their dreams and to believe in their potential.

As a mother, I remain hopeful that the world will continue to evolve, and that my sons will achieve their aspirations. They will meet those who recognize their abilities and celebrate their uniqueness. I am confident that they are destined for greatness!

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In summary, the lessons I teach my boys are about self-worth, the power of faith, and the belief in their limitless potential. As they grow, I hope they will carry these lessons with them, navigating the world with confidence and resilience.


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