Life is full of predictable moments. For instance, if you decide to wash your car, you can nearly guarantee rain will follow. Or if you look up your random ailments online, you’ll inevitably convince yourself you’re gravely ill. And when someone shares a post on social media about their wedding anniversary or Valentine’s Day, it’s almost a given that they’ll include the phrase “best friend” in there somewhere.
“I married my best friend.” “I’m so grateful to wake up next to my best friend every day.” The hashtags abound: #BestFriend, #Blessed. But here’s the thing: I don’t say that about my husband. He’s not just my best friend.
To call him my best friend feels like downplaying the extraordinary bond we share—like saying “it’s a bit windy” during a hurricane or referring to the Grand Canyon as just a hole in the ground. There’s simply no expression that can truly capture the depth of our connection.
Before you dismiss this as another “my marriage is superior to yours” narrative, let me clarify: we’re just an ordinary couple who has been together for over 20 years. We argue over trivial matters and significant issues alike, often because one of us (definitely not me!) is being stubborn. We have our disagreements on both important and minor topics, and yes, life sometimes interrupts our quality time together—like realizing it’s been ages since we had a date night or gone to bed at the same time. He knows how to irritate me better than anyone else, whether it’s by timing his bathroom visits poorly or by merely giving me that look.
Yet, that’s where the beauty of our relationship shines through. Not in the fact that he knows how to get under my skin, but because he understands me on such a profound level. My best friend might know I have a fear of zombies, but my husband knows the reason behind it—a childhood experience involving an ill-advised viewing of Return of the Living Dead.
While my best friends may know I detest fish or that tequila doesn’t agree with me, my husband knows my social security number, the medication that causes me to bloat, and the history behind the worn-out teddy bear that still resides in our bedroom. He’s seen me all dressed up and glamorous, as well as when I’m lounging in food-stained sweats with messy hair. He’s been there for my greatest achievements and my most painful heartbreaks. He understands how I’ll react in various situations, the things I cherish most, and the fears that haunt me.
I treasure my best friends; they are essential to my happiness, and we share countless joyous moments. However, I’ve never made life-altering choices based on their situations. I’ve never held their hands while we grieved through shared losses or fought to mend our lives when faced with adversity. My friends can offer guidance, but at the end of the day, it’s not their life on the line. Their presence is appreciated, but it doesn’t evoke the intense emotion I feel when I think about my husband.
Friendships require effort, sure, but they don’t demand the same level of commitment as a marriage. Friendships are generally simpler, while marriages require hard work, sacrifice, and perseverance. It’s about weathering storms together and striving to right the ship when it capsizes. This kind of commitment deserves a title that goes far beyond “friend.”
After all, you can “friend” someone on social media without truly knowing them. There’s no comparison to the intricate, messy, and beautiful love I share with my husband, which we’ve built through effort and dedication. Until someone coins a new term that reflects this kind of relationship, I’ll stick with giving my husband a funny card that makes us both laugh—moments that highlight how we are so much more than just best friends.
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In summary, my husband is so much more than just my best friend. He is my partner, my confidant, and my greatest ally. Our relationship is built on a foundation of shared experiences, deep understanding, and unwavering commitment, which elevates it far beyond the label of friendship.
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