I firmly advocate for raising children free from gender constraints and stereotypes. However, I also recognize the importance of tailoring specific lessons for my son, just as I would for my daughter. It might seem contradictory to prioritize teachings based on the societal roles assigned to them, but I assure you, it isn’t.
While social media often shares humorous takes on what we should teach our sons, instilling strong moral values is a serious and necessary part of promoting equality for everyone. With that in mind, here are some critical lessons I aim to impart to my son as he grows.
1. Women Are Not Your Emotional Burden-Carriers
Far too many men view women as if our sole purpose is to cater to their emotional needs. It’s disheartening to see men offload their struggles onto women without offering any support in return. I’m not talking about balanced partnerships where both partners share emotional responsibilities. Instead, I refer to the long-standing trend of men expecting women to shoulder their unresolved issues. It’s crucial for my son to understand that if he’s struggling emotionally, he should seek help and handle his burdens independently.
2. Counseling Is a Strength, Not a Weakness
On the topic of seeking help, I want my son to feel comfortable accessing mental health resources when necessary. Parenting is challenging, and even the best among us can leave lasting emotional impacts on our children. I won’t take it personally if he decides to seek help in the future. Mental health support is vital for everyone, and too many men try to tough it out rather than addressing their challenges. Those who avoid self-work often end up affecting their loved ones negatively.
3. Vulnerability Is a Strength
My son can learn a great deal about emotions without formal counseling. One of the most critical lessons is recognizing that vulnerability is not a weakness. We must create space for men to express their feelings without shame. I want him to know that it’s perfectly fine to cry or to express love and affection to friends and family, regardless of gender. Vulnerability is a significant part of experiencing life’s joys.
4. Embrace Your Identity, But Don’t Let It Limit You
Men often feel pressured to embody traditional notions of strength, but this can be especially daunting for men of color, such as my son. I’ve heard stories from my partner and brother about the societal expectations placed on them as black men. They’ve faced immense pressure to conform, and the toll on their mental health has been profound. I want my son to appreciate his racial identity while also understanding he can define his own version of it without feeling boxed in.
5. Your Privilege Is a Tool for Change
As a black son, my child will experience both privilege and marginalization. He must learn to use his privilege as a powerful tool to advocate for those who are less fortunate. Regardless of how he identifies in the future, there will always be individuals who face greater challenges. I want him to recognize that his privilege can be a “superpower” to effect positive change in the world.
6. Your Body Is Not the Norm
The final lesson I aim to teach my son is that his body does not set the standard. For far too long, marginalized individuals have been overlooked regarding their health and anatomy. Raising a black son adds complexity to this conversation, especially given the historical neglect of women’s experiences in the medical field. It’s essential for him to understand topics like menstruation and to recognize that gender is a complex, socially constructed identity.
There’s so much to teach, and I’m genuinely excited about this journey. The lessons above are foundational for helping him grow into a compassionate, thoughtful individual ready to champion change.
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In summary, it’s vital to raise our sons with lessons that dismantle patriarchal norms, promote emotional health, and encourage advocacy for marginalized voices. By doing so, we can help cultivate a future generation that values equality and empathy.
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