The Sports Mom’s Wishful Thinking: Please Let That Be Rain

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I spend about one-third of my life asleep, another third pondering dinner options, and the last segment devoted to watching my children in their endless cycle of youth sports—soccer, basketball, lacrosse, football—you name it. With all that time spent on the sidelines, my brain often wanders into deep thoughts—existential musings, if you will. Of course, there’s also the delightful indulgence of munching on a pack of Sour Patch Kids, which is a rare adult pleasure that doesn’t raise eyebrows!

While I genuinely enjoy supporting my kids on the field, let’s be real: by the time you hit your 1,038th game of the season, staying fully engaged can be a challenge. This leads my thoughts to spiral into amusing distractions like these:

• Why are we always on the furthest field from the parking lot?
• Did I forget to bring a blanket again? Oh wait, it’s in the car, but then the dog threw up on it… Should I grab it? Nah, unless it gets really cold.
• This chair is torture. Why do I always pick the broken one? My knees are practically hugging my chin. Just smile and maybe nobody will notice.
• Those kids on the other team look huge. Is that kid really 10? He has a mustache! Can he even drive? I could use a drink—wait, I don’t even drink beer.
• I really love this sport… Am I the only one still wearing capris? They need to go shopping. Oh, that mom looks great in them; she must do yoga or something.
• I wonder if there’s a bar nearby.
• How many minutes has my son played? Three? I could use an app to track playtime, but I don’t use apps. Mmm… apps, like buffalo chicken dip… but do I really want edamame? They’re like trendy lima beans.
• Was that a raindrop? I really hope it was rain.
• Wow, that guy is loud… wait, that’s my husband. Not a jerk, just my tired brain.
• Is that a bee?! I can’t escape this chair!
• It’s too chilly for spring. I wish I had that blanket. I need to tackle laundry, dishes, and that mountain of papers on the table. We should really move.
• Is that my son out there? What’s his number again? Why is that other kid always playing? Oh right, the coach’s son. Ugh.
• Did I miss a shaving spot? Like, my entire left leg.
• Uh-oh, she’s coming over to talk to me. What’s her name again? Look straight ahead, don’t panic!
• I like her hair. I hate mine.
• I definitely felt rain. What’s for dinner? I despise making dinner. Wait, do we even need to eat?
• I should use the bathroom. It’s a hike to those gross restrooms. Spiders everywhere. I can hold it. I’m stuck here anyway.
• I can’t believe I forgot my fleece again. Go team!
• Am I being too loud? I feel like Rosie O’Donnell!
• Is there a bar nearby? What’s my son’s number?
• How many times have we had pizza this week? We can have it again, right? It’s healthier than fried chicken.
• Did my child just score? Ugh, missed it. I’ll just tell him I saw it. Great job, buddy! No, don’t say “buddy.”
• What quarter is it? Is that rain? I hope it’s rain.
• Did we really drive two hours for this game? I’m so over this sport.
• I could go for a bite of that guy’s pretzel… wait, did I say that out loud? What’s the score?
• I like her sunglasses. They make her look like Tina Fey. Me? I’d probably look like Tina Belcher.
• Is that rain? That was definitely out of bounds. What’s the score again?
• She seems nice… oh wait, she’s a screamer.
• Is this game almost over? Where did I park? Where’s my other child? Where are you now that I need you? Great, Justin Bieber is stuck in my head.
• I could go for shrimp and linguine… so random. With a glass of wine? Now you’re talking.
• Did I even bring my other child? Where are you? Get out of my head, Justin.
• Do I hear thunder? I should take some pictures.
• Damn, memory full. Delete, delete… oh, that’s cute! Delete, delete. What’s the score?
• Overtime? Please, no. I really need to pee. Was that rain?
• Please let that be rain.

This article was initially published on May 3, 2019.

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Summary:

The life of a sports mom is filled with multitasking, from cheering on kids at countless games to contemplating dinner while stuck in uncomfortable chairs. Amidst the chaos, humorous thoughts and observations emerge, ranging from the desire for rain to the longing for a nearby bar. The constant juggle of family life, sports, and personal thoughts paints a relatable and entertaining picture of parenthood.