In my early days of motherhood, I envisioned being the quintessential mom—crafting homemade treats, engaging in sensory play, and ensuring my children had a stimulating environment. I believed wholeheartedly that if experts recommended a play-based approach to early learning, then I must adhere to it. I also aimed to maintain a chic and stylish appearance while juggling these responsibilities.
Back then, I thought I could be the ultimate supermom. I was convinced that sacrificing a bit of myself for my family was a small price to pay. Fast forward to now, and I find myself in yesterday’s sweatpants, sporting a stained T-shirt, watching my son pick up a chicken leg he dropped—likely with a healthy dusting of dog hair on it—and realizing I haven’t done a single craft project.
The pressure to meet the ideal of “supermom” is overwhelming, leaving many mothers—myself included—feeling inadequate and engulfed in guilt. This unrealistic standard not only creates anxiety but also offers some fathers an easy way out of their responsibilities. (And for those who want to argue that not all dads are like this, I hear you; we all know at least one who is well-versed in emotional labor).
In my nearly four years of parenting, I’ve come to understand that motherhood is rife with demands, yet support is scarce. Even with a co-parent who is engaged and hands-on, the societal expectations placed on mothers are unyielding. From the moment of a positive pregnancy test, mothers are expected to surrender significant parts of themselves to ensure the happiness of their children for years to come.
One glaring example of these unrealistic expectations is the way we often prioritize statements like “as long as the baby is healthy” during childbirth experiences. Having welcomed two children into the world, I certainly recognize the importance of their health. However, we must find a balance between infant safety and the maternal experience, which can include trauma and pain. Birth is a significant physiological event, yet our support networks often rush to celebrate the newborn while neglecting the mother, leaving her to navigate the early days of motherhood alone.
Research indicates a connection between postpartum pain and depression, making a strong case for ensuring that mothers are supported during this crucial period. Treating mothers as individuals rather than mere vessels for their babies can have a positive impact on the entire family. It seems like common sense, but somehow it’s overlooked.
Social media and reality television only amplify the pressure to be the perfect mom. As platforms like Instagram and Facebook showcase snippets of parenting, mothers often feel compelled to present an image of perfection—think pristine homes, trendy outfits, and fun outings. This pressure can lead to public shame when parents face criticism during their vulnerable moments.
We seem to forget that parenting is a learning experience for everyone, and nobody has it all figured out. The opinions on what constitutes a “good mom” are endless, yet few people consider the contradictory and often sexist division of labor in parenthood.
If a mother chooses to work, she may be labeled selfish or accused of not prioritizing her family. The barriers to employment—such as low wages and inadequate paid leave—disproportionately affect the most disadvantaged among us. Conversely, if she decides to stay at home, she may face judgment for lacking ambition or for being ungrateful about her situation. The myth of the supermom tells us that neither choice is satisfactory, and that’s a lose-lose scenario.
In contrast, fathers are often afforded the flexibility to navigate parenting differently. Parenthood can serve as a motivator for career advancement for dads, while motherhood is frequently viewed through a lens of scrutiny. Fathers often receive praise for simply being present, whereas mothers are held to a higher standard and expected to excel.
The pressure to conform to the perfect mom stereotype implies that self-care is a luxury we cannot afford—that we should just “suck it up” because our children come first. This myth suggests that we should embody beauty and support for those around us, while also labeling us as “undeserving of motherhood” if we express our struggles.
Moms are expected to be resilient, yet instead of allowing us to be vulnerable, society encourages us to cope through unhealthy means, like wine. The expectations placed upon us can lead to a desire to check out rather than seek validation.
Motherhood should not limit our potential or dictate our experiences. While it’s natural to want the best for our children, we must acknowledge the rising expectations placed upon modern mothers—especially single moms. It’s evident that society often values what we can do for others over what we need for ourselves.
I believe it’s time we abandon the myth of the supermom. It’s a harmful illusion. By doing so, we can work towards reducing the inequitable division of labor in our homes and advocate for policies that support parents—like paid family leave and accessible childcare.
In conclusion, let’s create a more nurturing environment where mothers can thrive without the weight of unrealistic expectations.
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