The past six months have been nothing short of a whirlwind for me. It’s truly the best way to describe the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on. My relationship with my parents has always been one I cherish deeply. I have always been ready to do whatever it takes to support them, but the balance of caring for my kids, my husband, my career, and my parents became overwhelming.
In July, I shared my father’s health struggles. I stepped in to assist my family, as I often do, during this challenging time. However, by January, I realized that my attempts to juggle my responsibilities were failing miserably. I was neglecting my self-care to the point that I’d almost forgotten it existed.
Navigating the long-term care applications for my dad in Arizona was a daunting task. The paperwork and follow-ups felt like a full-time job, and both applications were ultimately rejected. We began an appeal process and initiated a third application, which is still in limbo.
Anyone who has dealt with managing healthcare for a loved one knows how time-consuming it is, not to mention the steep learning curve involved. You’re constantly second-guessing yourself while researching doctors, treatments, and potential medication interactions. Meanwhile, you’re reassuring your loved one that they are receiving the best care available.
In addition to my family responsibilities, I was also managing client goals and finances. These individuals depended on me, and I had promised to guide them through significant life changes. Yet, I found myself taking calls in hospital hallways and along the side of the interstate, distracted and unavailable. I was exhausted and often leaned heavily on my husband for support. My daughters craved my attention, and I longed for moments with my husband.
In December, we finally took a break to visit family in Colorado, relationships that had been neglected due to my fears of being away for too long. I brought my dad’s care information, my work computer, and the heavy weight of my responsibilities. Disconnecting felt impossible.
Then came a pivotal moment when my parents gave me an unexpected gift. When I called to check on them, my mom revealed that they had decided to bring my dad home from the care facility. Initially, I did not see this as a gift; my mind raced with panic. I quickly began searching for in-home care, reaching out to professionals during the holiday break for recommendations. The “what ifs” consumed my thoughts.
Then, everything changed. During a 4 a.m. gym session, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My skin had lost its glow; I had dark bags under my eyes, and I realized I was neglecting my own well-being. I took a deep breath and began to reflect on what I wanted my children to learn from my example.
That’s when I found my clarity. I recognized the difference between being supportive and taking full control of my parents’ lives. While their situation was not ideal, they had a home and food. My children, however, needed me to be present for them. If I continued on my current path, I would jeopardize their stability, something I had already compromised when I became consumed with my parents’ needs.
I began to breathe easier and reached out to my mom for an honest conversation. I expressed my love for her and my apologies for what they were experiencing, but I needed to step back and shift to a supportive role. I sensed her panic and knew she felt abandoned, but I hoped to reassure her that she wasn’t alone.
Upon returning to my office, I was hit with guilt and disappointment. I had a backlog of clients who deserved my full attention, and I had failed to deliver. Three months later, even after addressing our feelings, there are still moments that leave me sad, especially when my mom expresses uncertainty about my love for my dad or my role in their healthcare decisions. I hope she understands that by stepping back, I am prioritizing my own well-being to better support them.
Though our family dynamics have shifted in ways we never imagined, the love we share remains strong. And isn’t that the real success?
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Summary:
This article highlights the challenges faced by a mother in the sandwich generation, who must juggle caring for her own children while supporting her aging parents. The author reflects on the importance of self-care and the need to strike a balance between being supportive and taking total control. Ultimately, she realizes that prioritizing her own well-being is essential for being there for her family.
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