While I’m sitting here nervously contemplating my own family planning at the pharmacy, my dear friend Sarah and her partner welcomed their second adorable little one into their lives. With my toddler being my own personal deterrent against having more kids for now, I plan to indulge my baby cravings by visiting them. It’s a win-win; I get my baby fix, and when the inevitable diaper explosion occurs, I can simply hand her back and head home. Talk about a perfect arrangement!
However, I must commend Sarah; juggling a newborn and a toddler is no easy feat. Any mom who chooses to have a second child while managing a child under four deserves an award the moment the baby arrives.
But there’s a common misconception about second-time moms: that they’ve mastered the art of handling newborns. Sure, they’ve been through it once, but every baby is different, and the first child is still very much a handful. So, before you rush over to meet the new baby, keep in mind that the same kindness extended during her first pregnancy applies now too. Here are some essential dos and don’ts for visiting a new mom with older children.
What to Do
These suggestions are relevant for any mom, whether it’s her first or fifth child. Here are the fundamental rules for your visit:
- DO send a text when you’re on your way and once you arrive.
Forget about ringing doorbells or knocking. If a dog barks or the toddler is awakened from nap time, it’s all on you. Use your smartphone’s messaging capabilities and keep things as quiet as possible. - DO be prepared for canceled visits, and don’t take it personally.
Sometimes, moms just need a moment of peace in their chaos. If the toddler is having a rough day, your visit might not be the best idea. Stay in touch and reschedule for a later date. - DO wash your hands right away.
As soon as you step in, head straight to the sink or grab some hand sanitizer. No one wants germs around a tiny newborn! - DO bring coffee and snacks.
Parents rely heavily on caffeine, so make sure there’s enough for the breastfeeding mom who suddenly has the appetite of a ravenous teenager. Bonus points for bringing extra food for her partner and older child. - DO offer to help with chores or run errands.
Whether she gave birth naturally or via C-section, she could use a hand. Folding laundry or washing dishes is a small gesture that goes a long way. Unless you’ve done something more impressive than bringing a child into the world this week, just pitch in. - DO engage with the toddler.
Toddlers require a great deal of attention and interaction. While the parents are adjusting to their new life, take a moment to connect with the older child. Whether it’s enduring another round of “Baby Shark” or playing a game, this will benefit everyone involved.
What Not to Do
Now, here’s the part where you can avoid being a complete nuisance:
- DO NOT visit if you’re feeling under the weather.
Remember, newborns have minimal defenses against your nasty cold. So wash those hands after bowling or eating without cleaning up afterward. If you’re sick, stay home and consider a virtual visit instead. - DON’T kiss someone else’s baby.
Would you go around kissing everyone in the house? Probably not. So, keep your lips to yourself and respect the baby’s space. - DON’T stare at her chest.
Your friend’s breast situation might look a bit wild, but it’s not up for scrutiny. Chances are, she knows what’s happening, so avoid making it awkward. - DO NOT mention how tired she looks.
Trust me, she’s aware—there’s no need for reminders about the dark circles under her eyes. - DO NOT ask how the baby is sleeping.
If you’re struggling to come up with conversation topics, it might be time to leave. Just know that the baby is likely sleeping like a confused nocturnal creature, and the toddler may have stopped napping altogether.
In summary, just because a mom has navigated one newborn stage doesn’t mean the next one will be a walk in the park. Be gracious, helpful, patient, and present. For more insights on parenting and fertility, check out this resource for valuable information.
If you’re curious about expanding your family, you might find it helpful to explore couples’ fertility journeys or consider boost fertility supplements for your journey.
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