“Friends don’t hurt each other,” I found myself explaining to a child who wasn’t mine.
We were at a local indoor play center, just me, my five-year-old son, and his three-year-old sister. Almost immediately, another little boy began to follow us—not just following, but chasing and shouting while invading their personal space. My kids weren’t thrilled about it, and honestly, neither was I.
If only this boy’s mother had been paying attention, she might have noticed me casting surreptitious glances her way, hoping for a silent plea for her to intervene. Was her child being malicious? Not really. Was he making my kids—and me—uncomfortable? Absolutely. Recognizing that he likely meant well but was simply misguided, I attempted to engage him in conversation. I suggested alternatives like tackling the big slide together or creating an obstacle course to share. Yet, he was uninterested. So, we tried to enjoy our time despite his antics.
Then, two things happened—both minor but significant to this protective mama. Kids will be kids, I know that. They’ll mess up; I get it. But what happens when a child’s mistakes cause discomfort or distress to mine? Should I step in for physical incidents, while letting minor emotional ones slide?
The first incident involved this boy positioning himself on top of my son after he landed at the bottom of the slide. My son clearly didn’t want this boy on him, and it took multiple requests for him to finally get off. Later, while my daughter was snacking, he came over and squeezed her arm. When I made eye contact with him, delivering a firm “come on, buddy” look, he still didn’t release her. At this point, with no sign of his parent around, I gently removed his fingers from her arm, leaving a brief imprint from his grip.
I scanned the area for his parent, wishing I could engage them in a conversation about how to address this behavior. When I told the boy it wasn’t nice to hurt people, he simply asked, “Can they be my friends? My other friends left.” I assured him they could play together, but reiterated, “friends don’t hurt each other.” He ran off, and I watched as my children returned to their play. Eventually, he and his guardian disappeared without me ever knowing who they were.
The entire incident left me feeling frustrated and introspective. I questioned whether I had handled things appropriately. It was clear this boy was seeking companionship, yet his actions would not encourage any new friendships. I took the opportunity to talk with my kids about inclusivity, friendliness, and how to engage positively with others. We also discussed how making friends can be daunting, and sometimes kids approach it in awkward ways.
However, I must respect my children’s boundaries. Just because another child is acting out without ill intent doesn’t mean my kids should tolerate it. Parenting my children is an uphill battle, and I shouldn’t have to parent someone else’s child too. This boy clearly craved attention from peers but needed guidance on how to forge connections appropriately.
As parents, we must navigate the delicate balance of correcting other people’s kids while safeguarding our own. My children would have loved to play with this boy if he had been a bit gentler and more aware of their comfort. I would have enjoyed watching them run around together, expending their energy in joy.
“Friends don’t hurt each other,” I had to remind this boy, but ideally, he should have already learned that lesson from his parent. I understand that there are often deeper issues at play, such as special needs or trauma, that can influence a child’s behavior. While it is crucial for kids to have supervision to prevent harm, it’s equally important to approach these situations with empathy rather than judgment.
Had I been able to connect meaningfully with that boy’s mother, it could have led to a supportive exchange about the challenges of parenting and raising little ones. Who knows? My kids might have made a friend that day, and so might I.
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In summary, while parenting my own kids is already a challenge, navigating the behaviors of other children adds another layer of complexity. We must foster healthy interactions for our children while being mindful of the lessons they need to learn about boundaries and empathy.
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