I recently appeared on a podcast where I was asked to respond to hypothetical statements from my partner. As is often the case, I was put in a position to represent all husbands, a role I’ve found myself in since stepping into the world of dad blogging. Although I strive to be a supportive and loving partner, there are moments when I, like many men, completely miss the mark.
For instance, during the podcast, the host asked, “What do you say when your partner says, ‘Forget it. I’ll handle it.’” I confidently replied, “Got it.”
“Got it?” the host questioned.
“Yep,” I said, “Got it. As in, the problem’s resolved; she’s taking care of it, so I can focus on something else.”
The host’s reaction—a painful groan—made it clear I had stumbled onto a common pitfall. In that moment, it hit me that I had been misunderstanding my partner for years. Misunderstanding may not be the right term; I wasn’t acting maliciously, nor was I committing a crime. It was more about me failing to grasp the underlying message she was conveying.
Later that day, as my partner, Lisa, was preparing dinner, I turned to ask how her day had been. She locked eyes with me, hands on her hips, and asked, “Are you going to take out the trash?” After a brief pause, she added, “You know what, forget it. I’ll do it.”
In that instant, I realized she had tuned into that podcast episode. I smiled, but she remained unimpressed. I promptly took out the trash.
After 14 years of marriage, three kids, and a life filled with shared experiences, I realized I had overlooked a significant issue. Lisa must have uttered “forget it, I’ll handle it” countless times, from mundane chores like changing light bulbs to more pressing tasks. Each time, I interpreted it as “Got it.” I never considered it a nudge for me to step in and help, nor did I see it as her expressing frustration over my inaction.
Does this make me a bad partner? I hope not. In the grand scheme of things, it seems minor, yet these little misunderstandings can accumulate. After years together, it’s not uncommon to find yourself confused about what went wrong, especially when you end up sleeping on the couch, questioning your actions.
Are there still things I’m oblivious to? Most definitely. Is this a communication issue? Likely. However, the crux of the matter is that when your partner says, “Forget it. I’ll take care of it,” it’s a signal that should not be ignored. That’s the takeaway from my experience—learn from my blunder.
This might seem evident to many, but the reality of marriage often involves deciphering your partner’s words and gestures. It’s about grasping the deeper meanings behind what is said. While open communication would make things easier, it often falls by the wayside. Sometimes, we choose to bypass discussions that could lead to arguments, opting instead to handle things ourselves.
But therein lies the problem: small issues can snowball and lead to bigger conflicts. Marriage communication often relies on subtle cues, and the real challenge is to pause and reflect on what your partner is genuinely expressing.
Now I’m more aware than ever.
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In summary, misunderstandings in marriage can lead to bigger issues if not addressed. When your partner says, “Forget it,” it’s often a cue that they need your help, not a signal that everything is fine.
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