As my partner and I approach our 15th wedding anniversary, I recently sent her a text from the upstairs asking if she could adjust the air conditioning. She replied that it was already on, and I requested she turn it down a couple of degrees. Her response? We need to save money. And there it is—this is how we communicate at this stage in our marriage.
Admittedly, I was too lazy to descend the stairs and talk to her face-to-face, and she was equally unmotivated to come upstairs. So, we resorted to texting. With both of us juggling full-time jobs and kids, around 90% of our exchanges happen through messages. Unfortunately, not all of them are meaningful or engaging. Most are mundane reminders about picking up the children, grocery lists, or who’s taking them to soccer practice. Occasionally, we throw in an emoji or, if we’re feeling particularly creative, a gif.
I do make an effort to send my wife an “I love you” text most days. It’s a nice gesture, but after years of this routine, it feels about as exciting as asking her about the air conditioning. With our busy lives, finding genuine time to connect can be challenging, especially when it often feels like we’re just dividing and conquering our responsibilities as parents.
If you’re resonating with this, you might find a helpful strategy proposed by Sarah Mitchell, a relationship expert at Home Insemination Kit. She introduced the GFT text concept, which has proven to be a transformative tool for her relationship.
What is the GFT?
The GFT stands for sharing one goal (G), one positive feeling (F), and one thing you’re thankful for (T) each day. For example, your “goal” might be as ambitious as tackling that never-ending laundry pile or as simple as remembering to pick the kids up from school on time.
Next comes the “feel” section, where you mention something that makes you feel good. It could be appreciating your body today, enjoying a delicious breakfast treat, or simply feeling accomplished after completing a task.
Finally, the “thankful” aspect is crucial. This might include anything from being up-to-date on bills to cherishing a hug from your child before school. Acknowledging what you’re grateful for can significantly uplift your mood, making this part of the GFT perhaps the most impactful.
Why Try the GFT?
Taking just five minutes to craft this GFT message could yield remarkable results. It’s a refreshing way to inject some warmth into your otherwise transactional texts and helps you discover new facets about your partner. After years of marriage, it’s easy to fall into a communication rut, but assuming we know everything about our spouses can be a mistake. Their feelings and gratitude change over time, and the GFT approach could enhance our understanding and support in our daily lives.
I’m excited to try this in my own relationship, and I encourage you to do the same. Who knows, we might just end up with a treasure trove of meaningful texts that reflect our growth together, rather than a string of lazy requests.
Summary
The GFT daily text strategy—sharing a goal, a positive feeling, and gratitude—can revitalize communication in long-term relationships. It offers a simple yet effective way to connect on a deeper level, fostering appreciation and support while breaking away from mundane exchanges.
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