As a parent, I can confidently say that if I let up on my vigilance, my kids would likely spend every waking moment glued to their screens. They’d skip getting dressed, forgo school, and miss out on real-life interactions. Instead, they’d be parked in front of a glowing tablet, half-dressed, munching on chips and string cheese, completely oblivious to the world around them.
My twelve-year-old son, Noah, exemplifies this struggle. Unlike his younger sister, who has ADHD, he faces no diagnosed learning challenges; he is simply captivated by video games and YouTube, much like many kids today. His desire for screen time feels relentless, and it has become an all-too-frequent topic of conversation in our household.
To manage this, we’ve turned screen time into a form of currency; he earns his hours on devices by completing chores and homework. Yet, even with this system in place, he still negotiates for more screen time. He’s not motivated by money or chores; he just wants more time with his screens. Honestly, it worries me to think about how he’ll manage when I’m not around to enforce limits.
While I thought we were handling the situation adequately, reading a recent article by Dr. Lisa Harper, author of “Indistractable: How to Master Your Attention and Control Your Life,” made me reconsider my approach. Dr. Harper points out that in the future, there will be two types of people: those who let others dictate their attention and those who can proudly claim they are ‘indistractable.’
To help our children thrive in a world filled with distractions, we must empower them to manage their own screen time. This is a monumental challenge for parents today, particularly concerning online distractions rather than diagnosed learning issues. As a university employee, I’ve witnessed students with impressive high school GPAs drop out due to gaming addictions. I often find myself asking students to put their phones away just to get through a lecture.
Dr. Harper provides several strategies to cultivate indistractable children, all emphasizing open communication and teaching kids to establish their own boundaries regarding online activities. She writes, “The key is to involve your child in the conversation and help them create their own rules. When parents impose limits without their kids’ input, it breeds resentment and encourages them to find ways around the system.”
This is exactly what I’ve observed with Noah; he’s always scheming to sneak in extra screen time. However, if I encourage him to set his own limits, would he just opt for none? Perhaps.
Dr. Harper suggests two critical points when discussing screen time limits with children. First, help them understand that companies benefit from keeping them online—they profit from their attention. Teach them to recognize that they are falling into an attention trap, and they must navigate this landscape wisely.
Second, be straightforward about the time constraints. Discuss how many hours are available in a day and how excessive screen time can encroach on school performance, sports activities, and family interactions. Treat your child like an adult by presenting all factors and allowing them to make informed decisions about their screen time.
Once you’ve had this discussion, delve into the specifics. Ask them how they plan to hold themselves accountable. Will they set a timer? When will parents intervene—will it be when grades drop, or when you notice they’ve been online too long?
The crux of this approach is to equip your child with the knowledge and skills necessary to manage their time effectively. This way, they can become indistractable adults, even when you’re not there to remind them to step away from their screens.
After reflecting on these insights, my wife and I plan to sit down with Noah this weekend to discuss these factors. We will encourage him to set his own screen time limits based on his daily responsibilities. I’m optimistic that this will be a significant step toward helping him become more self-regulated in the future.
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Summary
Teaching children to become ‘indistractable’ is essential in today’s digital age. Engaging them in discussions about screen time, helping them recognize online distractions, and allowing them to set their own limits can foster self-regulation. Parents must equip their children with the tools to manage their attention effectively, ensuring they thrive in a world filled with competing demands on their focus.
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