It’s hard to hear about celebrities going through marriage counseling without reflecting on my own experiences with relationship therapy. Just today, I asked my partner how he felt about the idea of marriage counseling. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I certainly didn’t anticipate a lot of enthusiasm from him. Our journey has seen us consult counselors for everything from the dramatic “I might leave you” to the more routine “can you help with the kids?” While we both face our individual struggles, we continue to seek guidance together, despite my partner’s initial hesitations about therapy.
I have no doubt that many people resonate with his viewpoint on mental health counseling, and it’s not just men who feel apprehensive. There have been moments when our relationship seemed so bleak that either of us questioned whether it was worth the effort. I’ve heard female friends express reluctance to attend counseling for fear of uncovering buried issues. This hesitation is common; many believe that ignoring problems will make them vanish. They worry that discussing them in therapy will amplify their significance, falling into the age-old trap of turning “a molehill into a mountain.” What they often fail to realize is that avoiding these issues allows them to take root, leading to anxiety and resentment.
I genuinely wish people felt more at ease with the idea of marriage counseling. In my view, therapy is one of the main reasons my partner and I are still together. Throughout our relationship, counseling has provided us with the necessary boost to navigate challenges. Although our experiences haven’t always been perfect, they remind me of the importance of normalizing the conversation around counseling, lest the stigma surrounding it continue to thrive.
Understanding the Stigma
But why does this negative perception of counseling exist? What is the root of this stigma? And how can we work together to dismantle it in order to reap the benefits that counseling can provide?
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment mental health counseling became stigmatized, but I can’t shake the feeling that it reflects a departure from the societal norms we’ve been taught. Personally, I’ve always viewed counseling positively, likely due to my background in psychology. My partner, however, has a different perspective. He expressed concern that some individuals fear being seen as “weak” or “unstable” by their family and friends if they seek help. No one wants to be perceived that way.
From a young age, many of us are conditioned to believe that life is tough and that we must develop a thick skin to cope. Mental health counseling, however, reassures those struggling that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. It allows individuals to address the difficulties in their lives while equipping them with the tools to reclaim their joy and authenticity.
Marriage counseling does the same for relationships. It acknowledges that interpersonal dynamics can be challenging and filled with obstacles. It provides a space to work on improvements and offers a fresh, unbiased perspective on our relationship. It’s all too easy to become entrenched in dysfunction, learning to function within it rather than striving to eliminate it.
The stigma surrounding individual counseling often extends to marriage counseling, suggesting that needing help means our relationship—or we as individuals—aren’t capable of handling our challenges alone. This belief is deeply rooted in Western ideals of individualism and the myth of self-sufficiency. If you can’t resolve your issues independently, you might feel unworthy of support.
Trusting the Process
Discussing these feelings with my partner revealed how cultural expectations complicate our ability to trust others with our struggles. He pointed out that we often believe we understand ourselves better than a counselor could. While he has a point—counselors only see what we choose to share—I believe an objective viewpoint can still be valuable.
We know that marriage counseling can guide struggling relationships back onto a healthier path. However, we’ve also experienced the harm that can result from a counselor who just isn’t the right match. The counseling process is deeply personal, requiring more than mere credentials to find a good fit.
One way to reduce stigma is to prioritize the health of our relationship over our pride. It also involves rejecting societal norms to pursue what aligns with our unique needs, rather than succumbing to external pressures.
I don’t share my partner’s reservations about counseling, but I can understand why he might feel that way, especially as a Black man. I want him to know that I’m here to listen in a world that often doesn’t allow space for vulnerability.
While I’m not a fan of counseling, I appreciate the effort it takes to improve our relationship. My partner may dislike counseling, but he clearly values our growth just as much. We may never reach perfection, but therapy provides us with a chance to address and overcome the dysfunctions that can lead to failure.
Conclusion
In summary, while marriage counseling may not be enjoyable for everyone, it can be an essential tool for fostering a healthier relationship. By tackling the stigma surrounding therapy and focusing on our needs, we can cultivate stronger bonds and achieve personal growth.
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