The recent news of a tragic loss in the mental health community struck me with unexpected force. The passing of a prominent figure in counseling services left me reeling, as it highlighted a painful irony: someone dedicated to helping others navigate their struggles succumbed to his own. As a therapist myself, it’s a stark reminder that no one is immune to despair, not even those trained to help others.
Living near Philadelphia and being connected to a prestigious institution makes such news feel alarmingly close. It raises questions that linger long after the headlines fade: Why are so many young people feeling hopeless? Why do we see such a surge of mental health crises, particularly among elite institutions?
In my practice, I often see parents grappling with the weight of their children’s expectations. They come to me when traditional methods fall short, feeling helpless as they watch their child struggle with anxiety, depression, or even substance abuse. The common thread in many cases is the relentless pursuit of perfection—top grades, elite sports, and social status. This skewed definition of success is so deeply ingrained that it can lead young people to feel that quitting is not an option, even if it might be the healthiest choice for their well-being.
Why Is Quitting Taboo?
Why is it so taboo to let our kids quit something that isn’t serving them? I advocate for self-care. If a child no longer enjoys soccer, why should they be forced to continue? Similarly, if school becomes overwhelming, a C in a challenging subject isn’t the end of the world. We should encourage our children to leave situations that make them unhappy rather than turning to harmful coping mechanisms like substance abuse or, in the most tragic cases, suicide.
Shifting the Narrative
What if we shifted the narrative? Instead of pushing kids to chase grades, let’s teach them to listen to their own desires and needs. Instead of glorifying conventional success, let’s promote self-compassion. It’s crucial to create a culture where kids feel empowered to re-evaluate their choices at any stage of life without fear of judgment.
Recently, I found inspiration in the film Yesterday, which poses a profound question: “Do you really want ________?” Whether it’s fame, grades, or societal accolades, it’s essential to consider whether the pursuit is genuinely fulfilling or simply a “shiny object” distracting us from what’s truly important.
Imagine if we prioritized joy over achievement. What if all we wanted was to simply exist, to take a moment to breathe, or to indulge in a nap? The pressure to perform can often drown out our innate desires.
Redefining Success
My hope is that we can collectively pause and reflect on our choices, granting ourselves and our children permission to pivot when necessary. Let’s redefine success to include self-care and well-being rather than just accolades.
I’m not familiar with the specifics surrounding the loss of that counselor, but from nearly three decades in the field, I’ve learned that the most fulfilled individuals often lead quiet lives, unburdened by the weight of societal expectations. Chasing dreams is valuable, but they should be our dreams—not someone else’s blueprint for success.
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Conclusion
In summary, fostering an environment where quitting is an acceptable option can lead to healthier, happier lives for our children. By nurturing their ability to make choices that resonate with them, we can create a culture of well-being rather than one defined solely by achievement.
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