When my first child, Lucas, was a baby and toddler, I estimate that I spent an eternity—approximately 7 million minutes—trying to coax him into slumber. I nursed him, shushed him, rocked him, and even attempted the “cry it out” method. I told him elaborate tales and sang soothing lullabies. You name it, I tried it!
Fortunately, my partner and I shared the nighttime responsibilities. He would bounce Lucas on an exercise ball, while I nursed him. Then, he’d take over with the baby carrier, and I’d cuddle and pat him to sleep. It often felt like a marathon that lasted for hours. Despite our best efforts—keeping him active during the day, sticking to a consistent nap and bedtime routine, and limiting sugar—he resisted sleep with fervor. It was as if his body rejected the very idea. His eyes were perpetually wide open, and his mind was always racing.
While it was a constant challenge, not every night was a disaster, and thankfully, once he finally fell asleep, he usually slept soundly. The unwinding process was where the struggle lay.
In those early days, I found myself questioning my parenting skills. I wondered if I was failing to help him relax properly or if my own stress levels were affecting him. I even questioned my discipline approaches, convinced that I must be doing something wrong. Despite being a healthy and happy child, I felt a weight of worry, as many mothers do, especially regarding sleepless nights.
Fast forward five years, enter my second son, Max. One reason for the five-year gap was the sleepless chaos brought on by Lucas. I assumed Max would follow in his brother’s footsteps when it came to sleep struggles—after all, I thought, it must be something I was doing (or not doing).
Imagine my shock when Max had minimal issues falling asleep. Sure, he enjoyed a cuddle or a brief nursing session to ease into dreamland, but once we hit that sweet spot, he would drift off effortlessly. To this day, bedtime is a breeze with him.
What’s interesting is that we followed the same sleep routine with both boys. We lean toward a more natural, attachment-style parenting approach. I nursed both of them for several years, allowed them to sleep in my bed as long as they wished, and stayed with them until they dozed off. Yet, Lucas still needed a long time to unwind, while Max was out like a light the moment his head met the pillow.
I’m no sleep expert, but I’ve finally decided to absolve myself from the guilt of “causing” Lucas’s sleep challenges. Instead, I’ve come to believe that, much like personality traits, children are born with their unique “sleep temperaments.” I’ve seen this in others as well—friends who practice similar parenting styles have children with a range of sleep habits. Some kids seem to come with a built-in “off” switch at bedtime, while others are always ready to party.
This realization can be liberating. No longer do you need to shoulder the blame for your child’s sleep difficulties. Once you acknowledge that your restless child is simply equipped with a more challenging sleep temperament, you can shift your focus from blame to support, helping them find better ways to relax.
As Lucas has grown, getting to sleep occasionally remains a struggle. My goal has been to help him embrace this part of himself rather than feel ashamed. We explore various tools to assist him, from calming music to white noise machines. And let’s not overlook melatonin—sometimes you just need a little extra help!
I empathize with anyone dealing with a difficult sleeper. It’s not just self-criticism that can weigh you down; everyone has an opinion on how to fix it. Remember that some advice may be helpful, but ultimately, accepting that you have a child with a less-than-ideal sleep pattern can be incredibly liberating.
This journey has taught me that while you might try every tip and trick available, recognizing your child’s unique sleep needs may just be the key to finding peace in the nightly struggle.
For more insights on parenting and fertility, check out these resources: Make a Mom’s guide and Facts About Fertility.
Summary
Parenting can be a challenge, especially when dealing with children’s varying sleep temperaments. It’s essential to recognize that some kids simply struggle with sleep, and this isn’t a reflection of your parenting. Accepting this reality can transform your experience and help you focus on supportive strategies for your child.
Leave a Reply