Losing weight has left me feeling conflicted, torn between my past and present selves. After welcoming my third child, I shed 65 pounds, totaling 80 if we count the weight I gained during pregnancy. This transformation unfolded gradually over a year. While there’s a certain joy in donning new outfits and occasionally feeling good in my own skin, the unsolicited remarks from others have taken a toll on my self-esteem.
I recognize that these comments often come from a place of kindness, with people genuinely trying to uplift me. However, I believe there’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed when discussing someone’s body. If it’s inappropriate to comment on a woman gaining weight, why is it acceptable to remark on her loss?
Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify: if someone chooses to share their weight loss journey publicly, absolutely celebrate them! But not everyone feels comfortable broadcasting their personal struggles. Apart from my husband and my closest friend, I kept my weight loss private. I would politely respond to inquiries when they arose, but the comments that stung the most came from those who hadn’t seen me in a while.
“Wow, look at you! You’re so beautiful now!”
Yes, I’ve heard this more times than I can count. Do people think before they speak? (Maybe this is just my anxiety talking.) Why does this hurt me? Because the woman I used to be was beautiful too. Perhaps not by their standards, but who cares what others think? The old me was a reminder of happier times and fewer struggles. There are countless ways to appreciate beauty, and it shouldn’t solely revolve around appearance.
“Look at you after three kids!”
Does losing weight make me a better mom? This comment hints at societal pressures regarding motherhood, such as the “breast is best” or “natural birth” narratives. And what about the new mom standing next to me? Your words may inadvertently add pressure to her. I appreciate the compliment, but let’s just avoid the subject of baby weight altogether.
“I didn’t even recognize you!”
This is probably the remark I hear most often, and it chips away at my confidence each time. Yes, I may look different in size, but I still wear the same glasses I’ve had for years and haven’t changed my hairstyle since high school. Is the essence of my former self lost in this new body? I still possess the same quirky sense of humor and awkward social skills; I’ve just dropped a few sizes.
After a recent outing with my husband to our local fair, where every conversation seemed to revolve around my weight loss, I found myself wanting to leave early. I felt uncomfortable with the body critiques and the unwanted feedback that followed. Do they know that my weight loss is tied to struggles like depression and untreated thyroid issues? Do they realize I miss the old me?
When I saw size “S” on a clothing tag, I tried on multiple shirts in that size, convinced they must be mislabelled. In the mirror, I still see myself as an XL+. I even resorted to wearing my old clothes to appear larger when around familiar faces. Daily weighing has become a ritual, driven by fear of judgment should I regain the weight. And let’s not even start on the “anorexia” jokes – those are neither funny nor a compliment. Having known women who battle eating disorders, I find it utterly inappropriate to trivialize such serious issues.
I understand that people want to make me feel good about my transformation, but it’s challenging to hear them disparage the old me. I cherished her through all the changes. It’s like teasing a sibling: only acceptable if you know them well enough.
I appreciate the good intentions behind these comments, but I want to shed light on the often-overlooked challenges of weight loss. If you notice someone experiencing a significant change, consider asking about their life or interests, rather than their appearance. A good rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t want to share the nitty-gritty of your childbirth experience, you probably aren’t close enough to comment on their body.
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In summary, while weight loss can bring about change, it’s important to approach the subject with sensitivity. Comments about someone’s body can have lasting effects, and it’s crucial to respect boundaries and remember that everyone’s journey is unique.
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