Last Saturday, as we drove to our favorite sandwich shop, the world felt perfect. My daughter had actually folded the laundry without being asked, and my son, in a cheerful mood, even saved me a couple of squares from his chocolate caramel bar, knowing it was my favorite. The atmosphere in the car was warm and inviting, and I was seriously considering getting them the puppy they had been pleading for over the past year.
As we walked into the shop, I was on the verge of saying, “Let’s do this! Let’s get a dog today!” But just as I turned to share the exciting news, my 13-year-old son shouted, “WE COULD CALL HER PENIS!”
This wasn’t an accident. He was fully aware of the long line of customers glued to their phones, and he craved attention. He knew exactly what he was saying and intentionally chose to be obnoxious, disregarding my countless reminders not to shout out words like “penis” or “butthole” in public.
Once again, I had foolishly assumed that my well-behaved kids would act the same way outside of our home. Kids have a unique talent for behaving charmingly at home while transforming into little monsters in public. It’s a special kind of parenting distress saved for crowded places where everyone seems ready to judge. And believe me, they know it.
From a young age, my kids have perfected the art of being complete nuisances in front of strangers. Just when I think a trip for ice cream is a great idea because they’re behaving, they suddenly turn into little terrors. They have no interest in showcasing the good manners I’ve worked hard to instill in them.
Whether it’s making faces at dinner with friends or throwing tantrums in a store until I buy them a toy, their antics are always on full display when we’re out and about. They seem to revel in the shock and disapproval of others.
As a parent, I’ve come to realize how many judgments I made about others before I had kids. I would often think, “If only they were better parents, their kids would behave.” Now, here I am, eating humble pie because even the best-behaved kids can exhibit their inner jerk, no matter how well they’ve been raised or what consequences they’ve faced.
Maybe they’re tired, or perhaps they just don’t want to be in public. They might even dislike their reflection in fluorescent lights. I wish I could tell you this improves with age, but I can’t lie; I have three teenagers who regularly tell me that I’m the strictest mother on the face of the planet, and yet here we are, still trying to manage their inner monsters whenever we step outside.
After my son’s outburst in the sandwich shop, I received the expected judgmental glares. I could almost hear the thoughts running through people’s minds: “What kind of parent lets their child shout ‘WE COULD CALL HER PENIS!’ in a room full of hungry diners?”
The truth is, even kids who are “raised right” can pull stunts like that. So, fellow parents, keep your humility close. You never know when your child will unleash their inner jerk, reminding you that today is definitely not the day to reward them with that puppy after all.
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Summary
Parenting can be a rollercoaster, especially when kids who seem well-behaved at home act out in public. The author reflects on the struggles of raising children who sometimes unleash their inner jerks, causing moments of embarrassment and humility for parents.
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