By: Mia Johnson
Updated: Oct. 4, 2023
“Hit the elbow! Aim for the elbow!” I heard my pre-teen son, Leo, shouting from the other room. I was intrigued and peeked in. Leo was coaching his older brother, Jason, who has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), on how to execute a high-five without the awkwardness. “Use your other hand and aim for my elbow,” Leo instructed. The result? A flawless high-five that filled the room with laughter.
What better way to learn social skills than from a sibling? Would a professional even think to teach something as simple, yet essential, as this gesture of connection? Jason benefits from two dedicated “free” therapists—Leo and his younger sister, Emma—who are always around to provide guidance.
Of course, the relationship between Jason and his siblings isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Like any sibling dynamic, it includes a fair share of bickering, teasing, and the occasional eye-roll. But the core of their relationship is “normal,” which can be hard to come by for a child with ASD, especially in terms of building connections.
For Jason, the most crucial aspect is the opportunity to practice social interactions in a natural setting, with the comfort of a safety net. This is where his siblings shine.
Children with ASD often receive a surplus of attention from adults—parents, tutors, and therapists—making it easier for them to engage with grown-ups than with their peers. Adults can adapt to their quirks or overlook them altogether, but friendships require a different kind of effort and understanding.
Unfortunately, adults aren’t exactly equipped to teach kids how to navigate social landscapes. Over the years, Jason has participated in numerous social skills groups, receiving valuable tips from well-meaning adults on managing classroom or playground dynamics. He’s practiced role-plays with neurotypical peer mentors, but real-life situations often leave him feeling more anxious and ill-prepared.
That’s where siblings come into play. They possess a unique ability to communicate truths that adults may shy away from. For instance, while adults ignored Jason’s excessive jokes about bodily functions, Leo bluntly told him, “Dude, that’s so cringe. You can’t say that in high school.” Siblings speak a language of honesty that transcends the well-intentioned but often ineffective advice from adults.
Moreover, siblings offer unconditional acceptance. Jason, who attends classes with neurotypical students, often feels like an outsider at school. His classmates frequently give him space, leaving him to navigate his days largely alone. However, at home, when Leo, a confident and playful brother, jumps on Jason while they’re lounging together, it sends a clear message: he is valued and worthy of fun.
Siblings also serve as cultural guides. They understand the unspoken rules of social interaction far better than parents do. I’ve seen Leo help Jason navigate group texts, demonstrating how to ask questions in a relaxed way. Emma, with her circle of friends, brings a lively atmosphere to our home, making it easy for Jason to blend in with a group.
For kids like Jason, who may prefer solitary activities, siblings provide a unique form of companionship. They can enjoy parallel play, each doing their own thing while still being in the same space. Whether they’re all holed up in their rooms engaged in their respective interests or hanging out with friends, Jason becomes part of the social fabric effortlessly.
As a parent of a neurodiverse child, the future can feel like venturing into uncharted territory. There are few clear examples of adults with ASD successfully navigating daily life. However, I find reassurance in knowing that Leo and Emma will be there to support Jason, even if it’s from a distance. They might not always get it right, and sibling squabbles are inevitable, but their love and acceptance will guide him through the often bewildering world of social interactions.
As simple as it may seem, this dynamic—from teaching high-fives to being cultural ambassadors—illustrates the profound impact siblings can have on a child with ASD.
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In summary, siblings play an irreplaceable role in the lives of children with ASD, providing love, guidance, and a sense of belonging that helps them navigate social complexities.
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