“Your mother’s views on your body do not define you.” I stumbled upon this powerful quote on Instagram, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Such a simple statement, yet it resonated profoundly. Like many, I find that the shame and scrutiny surrounding body image is a curse that has been passed down through generations in my family.
I haven’t spoken to my mom in over three years, and while my life is filled with joy and stability after welcoming four beautiful children, I still face daily struggles. Each time I stand in front of the mirror before showering, I instinctively suck in my stomach. Even four months postpartum, I find myself tugging at the skin around my midsection, imagining what it would be like if I could just eliminate it all.
As I rush past the mirror in our living room on busy mornings, I avoid looking back. I know that if I stop, the anxiety of feeling “exposed” will consume me. I can’t let those feelings distract me while driving the kids to school; I can’t bear the thought of feeling vulnerable while walking my son down the crowded halls of his preschool.
This battle against my inner demons is a daily fight, a struggle born from the body dysmorphia and fat phobia passed down by my mother and grandmother. I remember being in high school when my mom decided to clear the kitchen of any “unhealthy snacks,” replacing them with meal replacement shakes. “If you drink one for breakfast and lunch, your tummy won’t spill over the sides of your pants,” she said, with my grandmother nodding in agreement. The pants in question? A size 4—my favorite American Eagle bootcut jeans, a symbol of my struggle.
A week later, I found myself in tears, realizing that the snacks had been hidden away, and I was the only one left in the dark. Crackers, chips, and granola bars were out of reach, all because my family wanted to keep me from indulging in anything they deemed unnecessary. If my body was deemed too large for a snack at a size 4, I can’t even imagine how they perceive me now.
When I returned home from college for a visit, I often heard my mom and grandmother comment on how “skinny” I looked. My size 4 jeans were now too big for me, and they would ask what my secret was, praising my appearance. The truth? I was starving myself, severely restricting my calorie intake and working out until I felt faint. I was merely filling my stomach with water to dull my hunger pangs, yet their compliments confirmed that they thought I looked “beautiful.”
I understand this issue is layered and complex. My mother and grandmother believed they were acting in my best interest, thinking they were making my life better by encouraging a smaller body. They too struggled with their self-image and didn’t receive the guidance needed to foster a healthy relationship with food. They never consulted a doctor, therapist, or nutritionist before imposing their views on me.
While their actions have caused me pain and trauma, I recognize that this is a multi-generational, socio-cultural problem. It’s a pervasive and toxic issue that continues to impact many of us today. I don’t have all the answers, but I am determined to break this cycle for my children. I refuse to let them grow up feeling the way I did.
As a passionate advocate for the body positivity movement, I believe it is one of the most powerful uses of social media today. I admire and respect individuals regardless of their size or shape and find beauty in all forms. I only wish I could extend that same love and fierce protection to myself. I’m actively working on this—for my sake, for my children, and for future generations.
I hope that my daughter will never look in the mirror and feel the need to suck in her stomach, and that my sons will never let a number on a scale dictate their self-worth. Here’s to breaking the cycle and ensuring that the harmful legacy ends with me.
For anyone navigating their journey toward self-acceptance, I recommend checking out this excellent resource on family-building options. And if you’re interested in exploring the world of at-home insemination, you can find valuable insights in our post about artificial insemination kits. Another great read is about the BabyMaker insemination kit for those considering unique paths to parenthood.
Summary
The ongoing battle with body image often stems from familial influences. The author reflects on the generational pressures from her mother and grandmother, leading to a lifelong struggle with self-acceptance. Despite a joyful life with children and a commitment to break this cycle, the author grapples with the impact of inherited body dysmorphia and societal standards.
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