Let’s dive into the word that strikes fear into the hearts of many: Homework. Just saying it might make you cringe. For parents, homework can be a hot-button issue, and rightly so. Our kids spend a good chunk of their day at school—7 to 8 hours—only to return home with an avalanche of extra assignments that we, their overworked and often frazzled parents, must navigate alongside them. If your household is anything like mine, homework sessions often devolve into chaos, complete with tears, shouting, or even the dramatic slamming of doors—sometimes all three.
This year, however, I discovered a refreshing perspective on homework thanks to my middle schooler, Ethan. He has access to an optional “homework help group” after school, where he can either receive additional support or complete his assignments in a social setting. As an extrovert, he thrives in this environment. When he skips the group, he usually teams up with classmates post-school to tackle homework together. Sure, I know they spend more time chatting, texting, and scrolling through TikTok than actually studying, but as long as the work is completed, I’m all for it.
On the flip side, my younger child, Lily, still requires quite a bit of guidance. Past homework sessions were filled with whining, nagging, and frustration, making those 20-30 minutes the most excruciating part of our day. And don’t even get me started on those ridiculous reading logs.
Our school, however, seems to be shifting its approach this year without fundamentally altering its homework policy. At the beginning of the year, the teachers acknowledged the homework struggle and expressed their own discomfort with it. They framed homework as a communication tool—a bridge between parents, students, and teachers. It provides a tangible way for educators to share what kids are learning (because let’s face it, we often just skim those weekly updates, right?). It also helps students indicate whether they grasp the material or require extra assistance. Most importantly, it fosters dialogue between parents and children about their daily learning experiences.
Once I heard this explanation, it was like a light bulb flickered on. Homework doesn’t have to be a total headache. If your child is wrestling with a worksheet, there’s no need for tears; simply return it with a note stating “needs extra help” at the top. There’s flexibility in the system, reminding us that it’s about communication—not just completion or perfection.
More than once this year, when Ethan struggled with a math problem, I told him, “Just skip it. We’ll let your teacher know you need clarification, and you can tackle it in class tomorrow.” His reaction was one of disbelief, but he relaxed and finished the worksheet without issue. Sometimes, a little flexibility is all they need to navigate challenges.
This “homework as a communication tool” philosophy is especially beneficial for parents who might lack the time, resources, or ability to assist their children. Research from Healthline indicates that family disputes over homework are 200% more likely among parents without a college degree. The reality is that not all parents are native English speakers or have completed higher education. Even those who have graduated may find themselves baffled by today’s “new math” problems.
Another crucial aspect is that homework assignments should be minimal. According to Healthline, both the National Education Association and the National PTA advocate for a standard of “10 minutes of homework per grade level.” Yet, studies indicate that kids in early elementary often receive about three times that amount.
For my fourth grader, this means around 40 minutes of homework, but we usually stay well below that mark. He often completes assignments during our 10-minute car rides to after-school activities or while I wrap up work emails at the kitchen table. As for reading time, it’s done purely for fun, without any pressure to track minutes or ensure that the books are at grade level. Whatever sparks joy is what matters. Plus, having a middle schooler means Ethan can now suggest books for me to read—talk about a win-win!
As parents, we face countless daily battles, from getting kids to brush their teeth to ensuring they treat their siblings kindly. Homework shouldn’t be one of those skirmishes. Perhaps it doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing scenario either.
Conclusion
In conclusion, if we can shift our mindset about homework, we might just find it doesn’t have to be a source of stress after all.
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