In a world where personal expression often meets rigid societal norms, my husband and I have consciously decided to let our son’s hair grow long, despite our different motivations. I lean towards a more radical stance, driven primarily by political beliefs. I reject the notion that gender should dictate a child’s appearance or the way they express themselves, particularly when it comes to something as versatile as hair. The outdated belief that “good girls have long hair” and “boys should sport short cuts” frustrates me deeply, especially as a Black woman who has always struggled against conventional beauty standards.
My husband’s reasons for supporting our son’s long hair might stem from three main influences: living vicariously through our son, his own childhood experiences with enforced haircuts, and a firm belief that our child should choose when he’s ready for his first haircut. While I am often indifferent about the hair maintenance process—largely because I handle most of the styling responsibilities—I recognize the challenges that come with raising a Black boy with long hair.
Each week, our family encounters unsolicited advice from friends and family, often suggesting that we conform to mainstream beauty standards and give our son a fade, like many other boys. However, I want my son to embrace his individuality. His hair represents his right to express himself freely. Yet, I am acutely aware of the societal hurdles he may face, as seen in the heartbreaking case of 4-year-old Leo, who was told he either had to cut his hair or identify as a girl.
The parallels between Leo’s experience and my own family’s journey are striking. Like my son, Leo is close in age and sports a similar hairstyle. In Texas, where we live, a school official dictated that Leo’s hair was “too long,” and presented his family with outrageous demands: cut it, braid it, or dress him as a girl. This school’s dress code explicitly bans “ponytails, ducktails, rat-tails, male buns, or puff balls on male students.” Leo’s family is actively challenging these narrow standards, which deeply resonates with me.
I cannot fathom how I would react in such a situation. Thankfully, we’ve enrolled our son in a school where he is accepted, regardless of his hair length or style. Boys with long hair often take pride in their unique looks; they should not be taught to conform to arbitrary standards of appearance. Unfortunately, countless children, including boys like Leo, continue to face institutional bias and racism. Policies that limit hairstyles based on outdated perceptions of professionalism are unacceptable in today’s society.
Allowing schools to enforce such “dress codes” sends a discouraging message to kids: blend in, rather than stand out. I want my son to feel empowered to live authentically in every situation. He is a smart, loving individual, and if someone can’t see those qualities because of his hairstyle, that’s their issue, not ours.
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In summary, as parents, we must advocate for our children’s right to express themselves freely. By challenging outdated norms and fostering environments of acceptance, we can raise children who are confident in their identities.
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