Learning to appreciate my body has been a deliberate journey. For the first three decades of my life, I grappled with self-loathing every time I glanced in the mirror. Society constantly reinforced that thinness was the ultimate goal for women, and I never fit that mold. As a result, I often felt far from ideal.
Ironically, I was always an advocate for living life to the fullest, regardless of one’s size. My weight never dictated my wardrobe choices or my adventures. I pursued the activities that sparked joy in me.
My larger body never truly held me back; the real obstacle was my mindset. Despite my attempts to project confidence, I often found myself making jokes about my size, apologizing for taking up space, and mentally punishing myself for being plus-sized. I even felt compelled to declare my supposed unhealthiness, despite having no health issues whatsoever.
I didn’t shy away from life, but I couldn’t fully embrace happiness and contentment because I wasn’t thin. The frustration of being partially confident took a toll on me. I liked who I was as a person, yet I loathed the body I inhabited. I felt compelled to prove my worth to the world, and it was exhausting.
Many well-meaning individuals suggested I change my body. While it may seem like a logical solution, the reality is that significant physical transformation is a long and challenging process. I didn’t want to wait that long to find happiness. Besides, my self-hatred was draining; it was time to discover how to be whole and at peace, regardless of my weight.
I realized I needed to separate my self-worth from my body size, rather than merely change my weight to feel worthy. I knew that to achieve this, I had to learn to love my body as it was.
It wasn’t until I examined my habits and intentions that I realized how much my self-hatred impacted my parenting. Two years ago, I embarked on a journey to transform my mindset. I decided my body wasn’t a disaster just because it was fat. I started consuming information and social media that uplifted me instead of making me feel inadequate. I sought medical professionals who addressed my overall health without fixating on my weight. While maintaining awareness of my health remains important, the number on the scale holds far less significance than before.
As I recognized the toxicity of diet culture, I made a conscious effort to avoid messages that made me feel unworthy. I began to encourage others online, creating spaces for plus-sized women to share our victories and challenges. Learning to love my body opened the door to community and belonging.
The more I celebrated my body, the better I felt living in it. Every area of my life flourished; my marriage became more intimate, my wardrobe more expressive, and I received career opportunities I never would have pursued had I stayed trapped in a mindset of inadequacy. But the most profound change was in my role as a mother.
I never realized how much my self-hatred affected my parenting until I reflected on my actions. Because I felt my body was flawed, I placed immense pressure on myself to make everything else perfect. My home had to be immaculate; I was terrified that if I didn’t keep it pristine, I would be perceived as a lazy, overweight mom.
My children’s average-sized bodies reassured me. Whenever I saw them playing confidently, I felt relieved that I wasn’t “ruining” them with my fatness. I feared they would experience the same struggles I did, believing that their thinness would protect them from my painful experiences.
In my parenting, I exerted maximum effort to prove that I was providing adequately for my children despite my body size. I spent far too much energy comparing myself to other mothers—not to judge them but to ensure I was doing enough. I constantly questioned whether my children would reflect on their lives and wish their mom had been thinner.
If anything was unhealthy in my past, it wasn’t my physical form; it was my mindset. Everything transformed as I released the burden of self-loathing. Learning to accept my body meant also accepting imperfections in other aspects of my life. If I could view my body as both imperfect and acceptable, why not apply that same perspective to my parenting?
As the negativity surrounding my body dissipated, so did my obsession with perfection. I no longer fear not being “enough” for my children. Parenthood can feel like an endless series of missteps, and I’ve come to realize that’s perfectly okay.
I’ve exhaled the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I now find beauty in the little quirks of life, like mismatched socks and lazy days. A tidy home is sufficient for me, even if it’s not a model from a magazine.
We engage in conversations about the wonders of our bodies, marveling at how our brains command us to eat, drink, run, and create. My children hear me speak positively about bodies, and they don’t perceive any negativity associated with being fat. They will eventually encounter society’s weight biases, but I am laying the groundwork for them to respect and appreciate every body.
Changing my thoughts and words about my body is a continuous challenge. I battle my perfectionist tendencies daily, aware that I will never fully reach a destination. Maintaining a love for my body requires daily effort, much like nurturing a relationship with a partner. I remind myself consistently that I refuse to return to a mindset of brokenness or inferiority.
My body is not my entire identity, but it is a significant part of me. Learning to love my body marked the beginning of embracing the beautiful chaos of this life stage. My body has nurtured and sustained my children, and there is nothing to detest here; it is as miraculous as any thin body.
Ultimately, learning to love my body has been the greatest gift I could give my kids—a realization I never anticipated.
In Summary
My journey towards self-acceptance has transformed not only my perception of my body but also my approach to parenting. I have learned to embrace imperfections, celebrate life’s little moments, and foster a positive environment for my children to appreciate their bodies. This journey continues to evolve, but the foundation of self-love I’ve built will guide me and my family in navigating the complexities of body image and self-worth.
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