As I enjoyed a sunny afternoon at the park, I suddenly heard my nine-year-old daughter’s voice call out, “Hey Mom, what is this? Is it a bike handle?” She stood next to a towering pine tree, where moments before, we had been playing tag. My gaze fell on a peculiar black rubber object nestled amongst the pine needles, and my instinct screamed that “safe zone” was no longer valid. It resembled the size of a flashlight, but I knew better.
“Uh,” I hesitated, my mind racing for an appropriate response. “I’m not sure.” But the truth was glaringly obvious—it was neither a bike handle nor a flashlight; it was a dildo. Or possibly a butt plug. I took a cautious step closer while keeping our dog firmly leashed.
“Did you touch it?” My voice was tight with concern. I was caught off guard by the discovery of such an explicit item in our local park.
“Yes?” she replied, her eyes wide with curiosity. “But only for a second.”
At that moment, my six-year-old daughter came running over, eager to join the unfolding drama. “Don’t touch it!” I urged.
“Okay!” she replied, then gleefully kicked it. “What? I didn’t touch it!”
Frantically, I rummaged through my purse for hand sanitizer but found none. Those baby wipes from our diaper days were long gone.
“We’re leaving!” I declared. “And don’t touch your face!”
Anyone who knew me from high school would tell you I wasn’t unfamiliar with the activities that can occur in public parks. Having lived in the East Village during the late ’90s, I had likely left my share of joints, beer bottles, and who knows what else in various public spaces. In fact, I used to kiss my high school boyfriend in the very same park where my daughters had just discovered the dildo. While part of me accepted that public displays of affection (and more) happen, the reality of it suddenly felt overwhelming as I thought about the implications of STDs on such a toy.
As a mother, I strive to shield my children from the harsh realities of urban life, including the risk of infection. At the same time, I identify as a feminist who values honesty. I want my daughters to understand their bodies without shame and foster self-confidence. More ambitiously, I hope to be their go-to source for information on such topics.
Yet, as we walked away from the unexpected discovery, I couldn’t shake my own surprisingly hysterical reaction. My husband and I have always been straightforward with our daughters about sex, using proper terminology and explaining biological functions openly. When my oldest asked about how babies are made at four, we explained how sperm meets an egg, and when she followed up with “How does the sperm get to the egg?” I answered frankly: “It comes from the penis.” Despite her classic “Eww!” response, I felt it was a natural conversation.
In contrast, the conversations around pleasure often seem to be absent. For boys, discussions about their anatomy inherently include pleasure, with terms like “nocturnal emissions” signaling an understanding of sexual enjoyment. However, girls often miss out on this empowering acknowledgment. As we left the park, I realized I had missed an opportunity to discuss sexual empowerment with my daughters—information they wouldn’t learn in school.
I had been raised in an open household where anatomy was discussed freely, yet when I inquired about masturbation at age 10, my mother replied, “No, but you can.” While her response lacked shame, it didn’t encourage an appreciation for female pleasure. In retrospect, I wonder how many aspects of my own pleasure remained unexplored.
As we strolled home, my nine-year-old pushed further, “What was that?” I began mumbling about the importance of washing hands and offered, “It’s something people put inside their bodies.”
“Oh, like a fake kidney?” she guessed confidently.
“More like toilet paper,” I quickly corrected.
“Toilet paper? That doesn’t go inside your body!” my six-year-old exclaimed. It became clear that honesty outweighed my fears of sparking inappropriate curiosity.
“Okay,” I paused, turning to them as our dog tugged at the leash. “That’s something people use for their anuses and vaginas.”
In that moment, their attentiveness was palpable.
“Why?” they asked.
“Because it feels good.”
As we continued home, their questions shifted to lunch, and we washed our hands immediately upon arrival. The topic of the dildo faded, and the girls returned to their play, unchanged. My fears of opening a can of worms about sexual curiosity were unfounded. I realized that discussing pleasure with my daughters was a vital lesson they deserved to learn.
Perhaps as they grow older, they won’t feel the need to hide in a park to explore their own sexual pleasure.
For those interested in family planning, check out this informative resource on IVF processes here. And if you’re looking for more information on home insemination kits, visit here or explore this authority on the topic.
In summary, navigating conversations about sexual pleasure with children can be daunting, yet it’s crucial for their understanding and empowerment.
Leave a Reply