As a parent, I’ve always believed in letting my kids take charge of their education. I rarely use the school’s parent portal, checking in only about once a month. I think it’s essential for them to learn responsibility and manage their time, just like I did when I was in school. So, I usually take a hands-off approach, allowing them to face the consequences of their actions.
Up until last year, my kids managed well without my constant oversight. Sure, there were a few missed assignments here and there, but they always scrambled to submit them late, not enjoying the lower grades that followed. My strategy seemed to be working—until it suddenly wasn’t.
When my son, Jake, hit his sophomore year, I noticed a significant change in his behavior and academic performance. A few weeks before the end of the school year, I received an email notifying me that he was failing history. It turned out he hadn’t submitted most of his assignments; they were buried at the bottom of his backpack, and his teacher informed me that it was too late to turn them in—one assignment dated back a month!
When I confronted him, Jake shrugged it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. In response, my ex-husband and I took away his phone and social time, hoping this punishment would make him rethink his choices. Unfortunately, he ended up failing the class and had to retake it in his junior year.
Because of this rocky finish, my ex and I have been keeping a close eye on his progress through that darn portal. School started last month, and a few weeks ago, I discovered he was failing three classes. I felt a mix of anger and despair. When I spoke to him about his future, he appeared indifferent. It’s frustrating to see him not care about something so important.
Jake is intelligent, and when he applies himself, he earns As—he’s currently excelling in chemistry. However, he’s failing math, history, and psychology simply because he’s not turning in assignments. One of his teachers mentioned he had submitted only one of seven assignments this year and scored a mere 40 on the last test. One out of seven! It’s as if he’s trying hard to fail or believes the rules don’t apply to him.
Clearly, he doesn’t grasp the consequences of his actions. So, I decided to lay it all out for him. I explained what life would look like if he didn’t graduate high school. At 16, he’s eager to get his driver’s license, start working, and buy a car. I told him that while he’s old enough for these privileges, he must earn them through hard work and responsibility.
He recently scheduled his driver’s test for next week, and I made it clear that he needed to submit all late assignments by then to keep his test date. He also landed a job, which is set to start soon, but I warned him he would have to turn it down if he couldn’t get his act together at school.
If he can’t manage schoolwork seriously, I can’t allow him to juggle a job or driving. I’m not demanding straight As; I simply want to see effort and responsibility. These are basic skills he needs to learn, even if it takes everything I have to teach him.
Jake was understandably upset and spent a day sulking around. However, when I picked him up from school last week, he told me he had spoken to his teachers and was now working on his assignments.
Still, I can’t shake my worry. I’ve lost sleep over this, feeling the tension in my entire body. While other parents boast about their children’s college visits and advanced classes, all I want is for Jake to graduate. I want to encourage him, but it feels like I need to threaten his privileges for him to understand the seriousness of the situation. Fingers crossed that my approach will pay off.
As parents, we continually face new challenges, and I’m doing my best to navigate this one. It’s a pivotal moment that impacts his future. I have to believe in him and in my ability to guide him. Meanwhile, I’ll keep trying to manage this situation without losing my mind. I really don’t want to be the “mean mom,” but sometimes, tough love is necessary, especially when it comes to earning that diploma.
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Summary
Navigating the challenges of parenting a teenager can be daunting, especially when academic struggles arise. As I grapple with my son Jake’s lack of responsibility in school, I reflect on the balance between encouraging independence and enforcing accountability. With a mix of tough love and support, my hope is to guide him toward graduation and a successful future.
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