One of my long-time friends, Jake, lives in Seattle, just about three hours from where I am. He’s one of those people whose presence feels like a constant in my life, even if I can’t pinpoint the moment we met. Yet, despite the proximity, it’s been years—possibly even a decade—since we last saw each other.
Sure, we exchange the occasional text and have our annual phone call. I keep tabs on his life through social media, but overall, we’ve grown apart, and let me be clear: it’s not him; it’s definitely me.
Now, both of us are in our late 30s, but I’m married with three kids, while he’s single and childless. The reality is that I struggle to carve out time to be a good friend, even an average one. Days stretch into weeks where I neglect to reply to messages. I often cancel plans at the last minute, and sometimes my returned calls come a month late.
It’s not just Jake; this is my reality with all my friendships. At this point in my life, I’m juggling two jobs to make ends meet. I’ve always done this, even back when I was in college, struggling to manage schooling and parenting simultaneously. My days start before dawn and often end well after dark, filled with soccer practices, gymnastics, homework sessions, household chores, and dinner prep. My weekends are a whirlwind of muddy soccer cleats and the adventures of my little gymnast. I find myself racing from one soccer field to another while my partner rushes to run errands, only to discover that our son has kept a major project hidden until the last moment. We divide our tasks and collapse into bed, utterly drained, before planning for the next day in the darkness above us.
Don’t get me wrong; there are fleeting moments when I can breathe. But those rare breaks are usually spent with my wife or enjoying some quality time with my kids, or even squeezing in a workout.
It’s amusing—when I was a kid, I yearned for adulthood, thinking it would bring freedom. Now, at 37, I’m writing this and can barely recall the last time I did something just for me. The highlight of my recent free time was watching half a movie on Netflix a couple of months back.
I understand this may come off as just another parent lamenting the trials of parenthood, but that’s not my intention. Yes, I’m tired. Yes, I’m busy and stressed. But I’ve never felt more fulfilled or purposeful in my life. I cherish my children, and my wife is a dream come true. But right now, my focus is entirely on my family, leaving little room for friendship.
I do have friends and care about their successes and challenges, but the truth is, I’m swamped. There are times when I feel close to burnout, and it’s affecting my friendships. It took me a long time to accept this reality, but I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve set my priorities straight, and at this moment, friendships aren’t at the top of the list.
I know this sounds harsh, but it’s the only way I can manage my life right now. I can’t change the needs of my family or the commitment I have to them. I’ve been in this long enough to realize that if I don’t give everything to my wife and kids, it simply won’t work. And nothing matters more to me than my family, so I’m all in.
So, to my friends who are parents, if you’re feeling overlooked, please understand it’s not you; it’s just the situation. We’re in the thick of it, fully committed to our children, and once things settle, we might be in a better place to reconnect. For now, we need to focus on what truly matters.
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Summary
In a heartfelt reflection, a busy father acknowledges his shortcomings as a friend while juggling family and work life. He admits to feeling disconnected from friends due to the overwhelming demands of parenthood but emphasizes that they remain a priority in his life.
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