By: Jamie Rivers
Updated: July 2, 2020
Originally Published: Oct. 17, 2019
There’s a memorable scene in an early episode of Sex and the City where Carrie has her first date with Mr. Big, and it leads to a night of passion. In my twenties, I was taken aback by the idea of sleeping with someone on a first date. Fast forward to now, in my thirties and embracing life as a single mom, I’ve completely flipped my stance. To me, having sex on the first date is a savvy move. After all, who has the time to drag things out and wait for a few dates to gauge sexual chemistry?
When the encounter is on my terms, a first-date fling can be exhilarating. There’s a unique thrill that comes with the newness of it all, heightened by the sexual tension that builds throughout the date. The anticipation of that release? Absolutely worth it.
As my son’s main caregiver, my dating opportunities are limited. I often have to coordinate outings around his schedule, which makes every moment feel precious. Hence, the idea of waiting seems impractical. I want to seize the opportunity for intimacy when it’s available, knowing that it may be a while before I get another chance. Sometimes the desire for connection outweighs the need to play it slow.
The silver lining? If I find someone attractive, I can tell right away. If the chemistry is electric, I’m not going to waste time pretending otherwise. Embracing my desires is liberating, but I didn’t arrive here without some internal battles. It’s taken a lot of unlearning to get to the point where I can confidently pursue what I want without shame.
Many women are bombarded with messages suggesting that sex without commitment isn’t respectable. Phrases like “one-night stands are trashy” or “you’ll be seen as a sex fiend” seep into our consciousness from a young age. It’s one thing to teach people about their self-worth; it’s another to make them feel guilty for enjoying sex or wanting to explore early on in a relationship.
Reflecting on my college years, I remember a friend who was quick to shame me for casual hookups, insisting I needed to value myself more. Her judgment still lingers, but the truth is, my choices have never affected how others treat me, except for her.
During my first serious relationship in my early twenties, I worried that sex too soon would derail our connection. Despite our strong attraction, I let that nagging voice convince me to wait. We were together for six years, and I don’t think delaying intimacy impacted our relationship at all.
When I re-entered the dating scene last year, I made a conscious decision to silence those negative thoughts. Sexual attraction is a natural part of relationships, and embracing it shouldn’t bring guilt. If I choose to have sex on the first date, that’s my prerogative.
One of the best aspects of dating now is my confidence in knowing what I want. So if I feel like being intimate on the first date, I’m going for it. I’ve learned not to care about others’ opinions regarding my choices, especially when it comes to my sex life. Ultimately, it’s my business, shared only with the person I’m with.
Some relationships are purely physical. Not everyone is seeking a long-term commitment; sometimes, they’re just after a good time. If that’s the case, why wait? We need to discard outdated societal norms that dictate how we should feel about intimacy. Having sex on the first date simply reflects someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to pursue it.
As long as both individuals are consenting adults, go ahead and enjoy!
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Summary:
In this piece, Jamie Rivers discusses her evolution in perspective regarding first-date intimacy. Once shocked by the idea, she now embraces the excitement of sex on the first date, especially as a single mom with limited dating opportunities. She reflects on societal pressures and personal experiences that shaped her views, ultimately concluding that pursuing sexual desires confidently is empowering.
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