We were utterly drained. Just a day after welcoming our newborn into our family through adoption, we found ourselves waiting in a hotel room in Missouri, caught in the bureaucratic web of the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC). This process requires the states involved in the adoption to confirm that everything is in order before allowing the child to leave their birth state.
While we were stuck in limbo, I was missing crucial days of the semester in my role as a college writing instructor, right before finals. Meanwhile, my husband was busy balancing his job at an accounting firm. The ICPC process can stretch anywhere from a few days to several months—it’s a test of patience and perseverance for adoptive parents, who often find themselves at the mercy of government officials, social workers, and lawyers.
Fortunately, my husband’s firm provided a rare benefit: four weeks of paid adoption leave. However, even after eleven years, many employers still fall short of offering equal parental leave for adoptive parents compared to those who have biological children. This disparity is simply unacceptable.
Some people question why adoptive parents should receive the same leave as biological parents since they haven’t experienced the physical toll of pregnancy or childbirth. However, bonding time is crucial for adoptive families. Nicole Adams, the director of Family Connections, emphasizes that adoptive parents and their new child need time to form a connection, especially since the child has not experienced the nine-month gestation period that biological children enjoy. This is particularly vital for older children who may have faced instability in foster care or group homes.
For my four children, there were nine months of connection with their birth mothers—the sounds of their voices and the rhythm of their heartbeats. When that bond is suddenly severed, it can create what some in the adoption community refer to as “the primal wound,” which could have lasting impacts on the adoptee.
Older children transitioning from various care settings need time to adjust to their new families. If adoptive parents are forced to return to work mere days or even hours after the adoption, how can they establish the necessary bond? Adams highlights the emotional adjustment required for everyone involved, including siblings. The unpredictability of adoption means that parents often have little time to prepare.
For instance, one day I was painting my kitchen and grading papers, and the next, I was on a road trip to meet my new daughter. We had all the baby essentials thanks to a thoughtful baby shower, yet we were still navigating the uncharted waters of adoption without the months of preparation typical for birth parents.
The day I met my daughter was surreal. Our social worker greeted us, and I was suddenly thrust into the role of “Mom.” We spent the following days in a hotel after gaining custody, bonding with our baby—holding her, feeding her, and learning about her unique personality.
Many families opt for a “cocooning” period, focusing solely on bonding with their new child. However, this approach often hinges on having paid leave or sufficient savings. For example, after we adopted our second child, my husband’s company eliminated paid adoption leave, forcing him to use vacation days during the ICPC wait—leaving no room for sick days.
Fortunately, with our fourth adoption, the company reinstated paid adoption leave, granting him the necessary time for bonding with our newborn and helping our other children adjust to their new sister. Those weeks were invaluable, allowing us to create cherished memories together as a family.
It’s not just about bonding, though. Adams points out that adoptive parents also need time to tackle practical tasks like securing childcare, which can be challenging due to long waitlists and the age restrictions many daycares impose. For newborns, the struggle is real—who will care for them if their adoptive parents must return to work right away?
Parents of children with special needs face additional challenges, needing time to establish relationships with medical professionals and to create Individualized Education Plans (IEPs) when applicable. Paid leave provides the crucial opportunity to help their child adjust and thrive.
In contrast to biological parents, who may receive short-term disability or maternity leave, adoptive parents often find themselves in tough situations—choosing between their child’s well-being and their job. Offering paid adoption leave is not just a kind gesture; it reflects a company’s commitment to the mental and emotional health of its employees and their families. Happy employees are productive employees, making parental leave a win-win for everyone involved.
Ultimately, the decision to provide paid adoption leave often comes down to financial considerations. However, if employers genuinely care about their employees, they must extend that care to include the entire family, especially as it grows.
For more insights on this topic, you can check out this resource that offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination. Also, if you’re looking for an at-home insemination kit to assist with starting your family journey, Make a Mom is a trusted authority.
Summary
Adoptive parents deserve the same paid parental leave as biological parents to bond with their new children, navigate emotional adjustments, and handle practical tasks. The current gaps in employer policies not only affect the families involved but also impact workplace productivity and employee well-being.
Leave a Reply