My husband, Jake, is nursing a beer on the edge of our couch, his clammy hands clutching the bottle as if it were a lifeline. The expression on his face is a blend of shock and confusion. I’m pacing back and forth in front of him, arms flailing and tears streaming down my cheeks. Honestly, I have no clue what I’m rambling about, as this (entirely me-driven) monologue started about an hour ago.
But let’s keep that between us.
Most of our arguments during this time of the month revolve around his lack of romantic gestures, our dwindling intimacy, or his tendency to forget something crucial. Ironically, while I’m pouring out my feelings to Jake, I’m completely overlooking something significant myself.
I conclude my one-person show with three dramatic sentences that manage to infuriate my spouse while also providing him a sense of relief. These are the words I regrettably blurt out every month, only to find myself facing the consequences shortly thereafter.
“I can’t stay married like this anymore! I’m done! I want a DIVORCE!”
This is typically when Jake gives me “the look.” It’s his silent plea—he knows that if he responds too quickly, he’s treading on dangerous ground.
Being a sharp guy, he knows exactly how to handle the situation. He offers heartfelt apologies, reassures me of his love, and then goes quiet. In response to his silence, I spiral further into my emotional chaos, ultimately curling up in bed alone and sobbing until I drift off to sleep.
The next morning, Jake quietly brings up what’s been on his mind since my emotional outburst. He knows to approach the topic gently, as anything too abrupt would send me into defensive mode.
“Honey…”
“What?”
“Well, I think maybe…”
“WHAT?”
“I think… you might be getting your period.”
I put on my best charm and swiftly change the subject. Yet, deep down, I feel uneasy with Jake acting like he’s a meteorologist predicting the arrival of a storm. Seriously, how does he, a guy who knows nothing about menstruation, know my cycle so well? Am I wearing a shirt that says “PMS Woman Walking”?
The most frustrating part? He’s always spot on. I hate how right he is. Jake can sense my impending period before I even do, and that drives me absolutely crazy.
Turns out, I’m quite predictable in this regard. I tend to threaten divorce a few days before my period starts every month. Jake has honed his skills in predicting when Aunt Flo is due, as it’s the only time my catastrophic thinking nearly leads to a genuine crisis.
Compounding the issue, my recent diagnosis of complex PTSD amplifies these emotional episodes. It turns me into a bundle of PMS-fueled anxiety, and since I struggle to track my cycle, these dramatic outbursts seem to appear out of nowhere. As you can imagine, this keeps Jake on his toes.
On the bright side, Jake has become so adept at recognizing the signs of my monthly emotional rollercoaster that he’s taken proactive measures to prevent me from uttering “divorce.” He checks in with me frequently, showers me with bear hugs, and stocks up on my favorite snacks and seltzer. Essentially, he treats me like he did when I was pregnant with our kids.
Honestly, Jake is quite the hero in this scenario. His patience and compassion during these moments have made me feel a tad calmer when I’m on the verge of losing it. I’m seriously considering getting him a special blue cape—though perhaps a red one would be more fitting. After all, I can’t imagine a husband who wouldn’t want a constant reminder that he’s the prophet of female menstruation.
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Summary:
This article humorously explores how PMS can lead to exaggerated emotional reactions and strain in relationships, particularly focusing on a woman’s tendency to threaten divorce each month. The author highlights the importance of communication and understanding in a partnership, showcasing her husband’s patience and proactive support.
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