I was scrubbing dishes late one evening when my partner, Sarah, walked into the kitchen clutching her planner and a pile of papers. “Did you see that the kids have two days off next month for fall break and a teacher in-service?” she asked, looking concerned.
“What? Didn’t we just start school? Why do they need a break already?” I replied, incredulous.
She shrugged, waving the school calendar at me. “I don’t know, but we should check the schedule for the year to figure out our plans for when the kids don’t have school.”
With a sigh, I finished the dishes and opened my calendar. Sarah flipped through her planner, and we began the delicate negotiations over who would take time off work to stay home with our three little ones—too young to be left alone. While they can entertain themselves (whether they choose to is another story), they haven’t mastered self-sufficiency or decision-making skills to keep themselves safe.
Throughout the school year, we face random days off, an inexplicable half-day in March, long winter and spring breaks, and holiday vacations. Not to mention the unexpected days when a child is home sick or, heaven forbid, brings home lice.
After we each picked a few days to cover the time off, we still faced an eight-day gap needing childcare. Our options? Work from home (which means not getting anything done because, hello, kids) or pay for a day camp that the school offers for those in need of childcare during breaks. But if I can’t afford to take time off, how can I afford to pay someone to watch the kids? Our options don’t include any family support—because we simply don’t have any, and it’s frustrating.
“I wonder what Mike and Lisa are doing with their kids during winter break? Maybe we can swap kids for a day or two,” Sarah suggested, checking her phone. A minute later, she grumbled, showing me a text from Lisa: Grandma’s coming to help!
“Must be nice,” I said, feeling a pang of jealousy. Our kids don’t have grandparents in town. Neither of us has family nearby, nor relatives willing to lend a hand.
I’ll admit it: I feel a twinge of irritation when someone in our friend group reminds us that we’re all in this together, only to mention that their parents are taking the kids for a night so they can enjoy some time alone.
Are we really in this together? Because it seems like your parents haven’t volunteered to take my kids. I don’t have relatives coming to visit to help out, nor do I have free babysitters.
Of course, I want my friends to enjoy their evenings out. They deserve the support of family members who can step up at a moment’s notice, whether out of obligation or generosity. I just wish I could rely on my own family the way they do. I get a bit cranky when I hear about friends who have relatives coming over to help during school breaks or when their kids are at Grandma’s for the day.
It feels like we’re the only ones in this situation. We smile through gritted teeth when friends plan vacations around days off. We hold back our feelings when we hear about Aunt Jane coming to help out. We act enthusiastic when our friends share their Netflix and chill nights because their kids are across town at Grandma’s.
And secretly? We resent it all a little. It would be nice to save money on camps and babysitters. It would be comforting to have a safety net when things get chaotic. It would feel so much easier to breathe if the stress of parenting young kids didn’t always land squarely on our shoulders.
As Sarah and I navigated our schedules, I realized what I missed the most. It’s not just about not having someone to watch the kids, which would make life easier and cheaper; it’s about wishing for someone to help shoulder the emotional weight when things get tough. I want the freedom to let go of some worries, the comfort of knowing I have backup, and someone to acknowledge how hard I work as a parent. I want someone to check in on me and offer help without strings attached.
Being a parent can be overwhelming, and I can’t help feeling envious of friends who can reach out to their parents for support in the same way that our kids rely on us.
For more on navigating parenting and support systems, check out this guide on home insemination or learn about other resources for family planning at this excellent site for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
Working parents without nearby family support often face overwhelming challenges when it comes to childcare. The struggle to balance work and family responsibilities can lead to feelings of isolation and frustration. With no relatives to help out, parents miss the safety net that comes from having family nearby. Ultimately, it’s not just about childcare; it’s about the emotional support that families provide during challenging times.
Leave a Reply