Before becoming a parent, I was blissfully unaware of the challenges some children face during transitions. In my childless days, I often thought, “How hard can it be? Just guide them and set consequences.” Fast forward to my own child, and I now wish I could confront my pre-parent self. I quickly learned that trying to shift my child from one activity or environment to another on a timeline that doesn’t suit them can lead to complete chaos. It turns out, the schedule that works for me is often at odds with what my child needs.
My youngest daughter has always struggled with these changes. As a baby, she would wail when we moved her to her car seat. As a toddler, she grew anxious and cried when she saw her other parent getting ready to leave for work. Even today, at six years old, she battles with transitions, whether it’s mealtime, school, or bedtime. She often becomes hyper-fixated on an activity just moments before it’s time to shift gears, making it difficult to coax her away without a significant emotional outburst.
I recognize that her struggles stem from sensory sensitivities and anxiety. The overwhelming nature of the world can make her feel like it’s closing in, leading to emotional turmoil. I’ve taken advice from healthcare professionals and therapists, trying various strategies to ease her transition difficulties. I’ve set timers, created visual cues, and outlined what’s coming next. Yet, despite my efforts, there are many days when the process devolves into frustration for both of us.
It’s not just her; I have two other children who require attention and guidance during transitions as well. Although they need less support, they can still add to the chaos when it’s time to follow instructions. Balancing their needs with my own responsibilities—work, appointments, and self-care—can feel like juggling too many balls at once. I often find myself lacking the patience to handle every transition in a calm manner.
In the heat of the moment, I sometimes resort to raising my voice, which only escalates the situation. Tears and frustration fill the room as she feels rushed, and I feel overwhelmed, despite having given her ample warning and reminders. I’ve physically removed her from activities and had to carry her when she refuses to leave. I wish I could embody the calm, patient parent who navigates these transitions smoothly, but on tough days, I can’t muster the energy to create distractions or negotiate.
I’ve read articles claiming to offer “magic” solutions to prevent tantrums, and while I appreciate the sentiment, those suggestions often fall flat in our reality. Perhaps I’m doing something wrong, or maybe my child simply needs time to learn how to cope with these changes on her own. I don’t have the luxury of spending 15-20 minutes handling each defiant transition, especially when I’m mentally drained.
After a particularly rough interaction, I always make an effort to reconnect and reassure her of my love. We’re both trying—her to manage her emotions and me to be the parent she needs. This is the truth that parenting books often overlook: the ongoing struggle to be our best selves, especially when faced with challenging transitions.
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In summary, parenting a child who struggles with transitions is a complex journey filled with challenges. While I strive to support my daughter, I must also balance the needs of my other children and my own. It’s an ongoing process of learning, adapting, and trying to be the best parent I can be.
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