Before I became a parent, the concept of a child struggling with transitions seemed foreign to me. I held the naive belief that if a child didn’t want to move from one activity to another, it was simply a matter of parental guidance or consequences. However, my perspective shifted dramatically when I had a child who found transitions particularly challenging. If I could confront my pre-parent self, I would explain that for some children, moving from one task or environment to another can trigger intense emotional responses. Unfortunately, the timeline that works for them rarely aligns with mine.
My youngest child, who is now six, has always resisted change. When she was a baby, transferring her to a car seat would result in tears. As a toddler, she experienced anxiety during the morning routine when her other parent prepared to leave for work. Even dressing has been a constant struggle—change is simply not her strong suit.
While I don’t relish change myself, my daughter perceives it as a personal affront. Despite her growing independence, she still grapples with transitions. Whether it’s mealtime, school, or bedtime, she often becomes either unfocused or hyper-focused on an unrelated activity, making it difficult for her to shift gears. This leads to tantrums and vocal protests about needing more time—even when I’ve already provided it.
It’s essential to note that my child’s difficulties stem from sensory sensitivities and anxiety. I deeply empathize with her feelings of being overwhelmed by an often chaotic world. I have sought advice from various professionals, implemented timers, created visual cues, and repeatedly communicated expectations. Yet, most days, the transition process is fraught with chaos, and I often struggle to maintain my own composure.
As a parent of three, I must also attend to my other children, who require assistance with their own transitions—though not as intensely as my youngest. Balancing their needs with my responsibilities can feel overwhelming. I don’t have the energy to create elaborate distractions or to negotiate every transitional moment. Frustration often leads to shouting, and I feel guilty for not being the calm, patient parent I aspire to be.
In my more challenging moments, I’ve physically removed my daughter from activities to ensure we stay on schedule. I wish I could always be the patient facilitator, but even simple tasks like brushing teeth can become battles. Despite reading about supposedly effective strategies that promise to ease transitions, I often find myself exhausted and questioning my approach.
Maybe my daughter will learn to cope with these challenges over time, or perhaps this is simply part of who she is. On particularly tough days, I can’t afford to spend 15-20 minutes negotiating every transition, and I feel guilty when I lose my temper. I also struggle with comparing her to her siblings, which only adds to my feelings of inadequacy as a parent.
Despite the challenges, I make it a point to reconnect with my daughter after particularly rough patches. She knows she is loved, and both of us are trying our best. This journey of parenting is less about having all the answers and more about the continuous effort to understand and adapt to each child’s unique needs. For more insights on parenting challenges, check out this related blog post.
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In summary, parenting involves navigating the complexities of each child’s unique challenges, especially when it comes to transitions. While it can be exhausting, the bond created through understanding and patience is invaluable.
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