I cherish many attributes of my partner, Mark. His commitment and diligence shine through every day as he leaves for work at 5:00 a.m. to support our family. He cares deeply for our two young children and is a steadfast friend. His honesty, reliability, and sense of humor bring joy to our home. However, his quick temper and limited patience in parenting have created a rift between us. To put it bluntly, I disagree with his approach to raising our daughter. In fact, I strongly dislike it.
Disagreements between parents regarding child-rearing practices are quite common. After all, we come from different backgrounds, each carrying unique experiences and perspectives. However, Mark and I are not just differing; we are fundamentally at odds.
Mark tends to raise his voice often. When our daughter spills her drink or drops food, he reacts with anger. He believes that discipline should be strict and often resorts to phrases like “because I said so.” He doesn’t believe in offering second chances and thinks that a bit of fear is necessary for effective parenting. Those are his words, not mine.
I come from a different world. My upbringing was filled with shouting and emotional turmoil, which deeply affected my self-esteem and overall mental health. I internalized the belief that misbehavior equated to being a bad person, leading me to feel like a failure. Even now, I find myself flinching at raised voices and feeling anxious in such environments. My own traumas have made me timid, and the only time I assert myself is when it comes to my daughter. I know she deserves a healthier approach to parenting than what we currently have.
This fundamental disagreement has created tension in our relationship. Many evenings are spent in silence, with conversations about parenting often igniting defensiveness in Mark and aggression in me. When our lively daughter feels the weight of fear, it manifests in her behavior — kicking, hitting, and yelling in response to the chaos around her. It’s an unhealthy cycle for all of us.
Recognizing this, I understand that both Mark and I have room for improvement. We must learn to adjust our tones and collaborate as partners and parents. One effective way to begin is by listening more and speaking less. We need to acknowledge our respective strengths and weaknesses, using them to benefit our children’s upbringing. My calm demeanor encourages our daughter to confide in me, while Mark’s firmness has instilled a sense of responsibility in her.
Although we are making progress, it’s far from perfect. Our daughter attends therapy weekly to help her express her emotions and find her voice. We’ve designated “safe spaces” for her to relax and regain control when overwhelmed. In those areas, she knows she can take a breath without pressure.
I also pursue therapy, where I gather insights to share with Mark. We revisit our parenting strategies regularly, aiming to articulate our feelings without resorting to shouting. Instead of raising my voice at Mark, I’ve started texting him my concerns and strategies learned in therapy. This allows him to adjust his approach without feeling attacked.
There’s still much to be done. I tend to be too lenient, while Mark can still come across as overbearing. Moreover, communication between him and our daughter needs improvement. Nonetheless, I believe we are on a long but hopeful journey toward better understanding. Our daughter deserves a nurturing environment, one that will positively influence her future relationships. Mark is a loving father who struggles with feelings of inadequacy, and it’s essential that we work together as a team.
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In summary, navigating differing parenting styles can be challenging, but with open communication and a commitment to growth, it is possible to create a healthier environment for our children.
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